The Wisdom Of War
by Yodes
Summary: SEQUEL TO 'THE STORY OF ERIN.' Life for Erin just got a whole lot complicated.
1. I'm Sorry

****

Disclaimer: I don't own anyone or anything from Dark Angel, yada, yada, yada- you know the drill. The only thing that belongs to me is the character I created- Erin Jackson and her family etc. If you wanna borrow my character for fan fiction- please email me to ask permission. I would need to see proof of it first due to people telling me this, and using it to simply get information about what's going to happen.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**__**

A/N: This is the sequel to an incredibly long story of mine called 'The Story Of Erin'. This story would be better understood if you read that first.

'The Wisdom Of War' is dedicated to all the people who kept reading Erin and asking for more- you guys kept me writing, thank you.

This fic focuses on Erin as the main character. There are many different pairings, and it doesn't focus on Dark Angel being a television show.

As always, the more reviews I get, the quicker I tend to post.

I HAVE POSTED THIS STORY WITH A RATING OF M. THIS IS BECAUSE THE PREQUEL TO THIS STORY WAS CONVERTED TO THE SAME RATING AND IT CONTAINS MOSTLY THE SAME KIND OF SUBJECTS. IF YOU DO NOT AGREE TO THIS RATING, I APOLOGISE.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

****

Summary: Life for Erin just got a whole lot complicated. She's in a different world. Her friends no longer trust her. She inadvertently hurt Alec. She's turned into some kind of killing machine and killed for the fun of it. And to top it all off- she's still no closer to finding a way home. Can her life get any worse? What do YOUthink?

Characters: Lot's of them. This fic is NOT for Logan fans so be warned.

Rating: R

Spoilers: This fic is set after the end of the series. It contains spoilers/ references from the Dark Angel prequel book 'Before The Dawn' but not the other two books.

There WILL be violence, mentions of rape, suicide, bad language etc.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

****

The Wisdom Of War

By Yodes

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

****

Prologue: I'm Sorry

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**__**

'Not alive? Not human? Who are you to sit in judgment, Mr Caldwell? Have you seen that tape? Did you see the look in his eyes? He was scared, cornered. And despite what people like you have been saying about them, transgenics aren't that different from you and me. They do feel, they do hurt, they are alive… Take a moment to talk to those you're condemning. They could tell you what it's like to be afraid, alone in a hostile world. And it might be more convenient to pretend otherwise, but in the end, who does that say more about- them, or us?'

-Eyes Only (Dawg Day Afternoon)

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**__**

'The sun shines and I can't avoid the light

I think I'm holding on to life too tight

Ashes to ashes and dust to dust

Sometimes I feel like giving up

Sometimes I feel like giving up

-Creed (Weathered)

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**__**

"Once upon a time there was a girl named Erin, who went on a grand adventure…"

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

__

"I'm sorry, Max." The voice was quiet, calm, final.

The world was in chaos again. Max looked around her for the girl she had come to rely on in this world of confusing dreams and visions.

She didn't know whether to trust her guide in this place, she never knew. She thought that she was trying to help her, guide her actions but it was hard to tell. It annoyed Max to no end. She thought Erin was there to help her, but Max was unsure. It was possible she was trying to guide her, that is if sarcastic quips and frustrating answers were guiding techniques. Erin was hard enough to understand normally, but here in this world, she was almost impossible. She was holding things back, that much was obvious. But then, Erin always held things back, it was what she did, but Max had come to accept that. Everyone had their secrets.

Max was stood alone on the rooftop of a building. She squinted below her and saw one of the roads leading to headquarters. She knew this road. Terminal City was burning. Below her fires burned, the smoke made her eyes water and sting and the smell made her want to vomit and gag. Down on the ground, bodies lay everywhere amongst the rubble and fires. She couldn't make out who they were- they were too badly mutilated. In the distance, screams could still be heard. People were still dying. They were always dying. They were always leaving her alone.

"I'm sorry, Max." The whispered words echoed.

This time, she ignored the voice, knowing it was in her head.

Max wrapped her arms around herself as she shivered and blinked back tears of frustration and anger. They were always being hunted, locked up, hated, killed. It was part of who they were. It was a part of who she was. Max was a transgenic. A genetically engineered soldier created to kill. There was no way for her to escape her purpose in life, she knew that now. People were always going to be dying around her and she would never be able to live a normal life. The closest she had ever got to normal was when she was hiding under Lydecker's radar.

"I'm sorry, Max."

Then, she had met Logan and had fallen for his good vs. evil attitude. In his world there was nothing but black and white. Max had gone along with it. She had ignored her enhanced intellect, forced herself to try to act like the superhero girl he had wanted her to be, and had put herself at risk constantly, trying to make the world into something it had never been. It was one of the reasons she wasn't with him now. When she had come to the conclusion that she did not actually love him, that she was trying to use him as a replacement family, an image of the guy she thought she was supposed to love- someone normal, she had also come to the conclusion that what he wanted was a dream.

The world had never been black and white. It was very grey and very hard. There weren't simply good guys and bad guys. There had never been a perfect world for people to live in. What he was grasping for was an impossibility. Even now, she wondered at how deluded she had been. All of her friends had seen that he was using her, that he was wrong for her. She had refused to see it. Just like she had refused to believe that she couldn't blend in, just like she had refused to believe that she wouldn't live a normal life.

"I'm sorry, Max."

Max shivered as she hugged herself and stared at the battleground below her. This was just a glimpse of how it was meant to be for her. A tear slid down her cheek.

"It always ends like this, doesn't it?" a voice spoke from the darkness behind her, "Violence, death. It's always the same."

Max spun around to see Erin stood there in jeans and a white t-shirt, her hands stuffed into the pockets of her leather jacket. The girl jerked her head to the scene behind Max. "Guess we're both used to it, right?"

"What's happened to you?" Max could only whisper in reply, her voice low, like the one people used to talk to people on the edge.

Erin gave her a crooked smile "What does it matter? It's not like you'll ever want to see me again, is it?" She walked up to the edge of the roof and looked down. "It's not like he'll want to see me again."

"He does- he's just hurting" Max edged closer, but not too close. "You lied to him, Erin. You lied to all of us."

"Do you think it was by choice!" Erin's blue eyed gaze snapped towards Max's making the other girl take a step backwards, "Do you think I like what I've become!"

"I'm sorry, Max."

All of a sudden, the image of Erin seemed to waver for a brief second. One minute she looked normal, the next, Max saw a younger image of Erin, the child version glaring up at her with tears making tracks down her cheeks. The next second, she was the Erin Max recognised again.

"You need to question your knowledge of me, Max" Erin turned to look out over the city again, "C'mon, use that superior brain of yours. What do you know?"

"You…" Max began then stopped, "Is there a point to this?"

"Is there a point to this, she asks" Erin's image flickered again, and Max was staring once more at the child version of Erin, "Is there a point?" she mimicked sarcastically. Her voice was the same voice Max had heard behind a door in a previous dream. It was the same voice that had been reassuring Erin's brother, telling him that she would protect him, that she wouldn't let them take him.

Suddenly, they were no longer in Terminal City. They were stood on top of the space needle, the city down below them and the sky above them dark and thundering, the rain hitting Max's skin like freezing needles. It wasn't raining a second ago. Looking out across the city, Max could see flames flickering in the distance where Terminal City was.

I'm sorry, Max"

"Of course there's a point to all this" the young Erin stepped towards Max and Max took a step back only to find there wasn't anywhere for her to step back to. She was suddenly falling, the air rushing from her lungs, her breath hitching, her arms reaching for and missing the edge of the rim by a mere fraction.

Her body jerked and her shoulder felt like it was being ripped from it's socket. Max looked up into the covered eyes of Erin as the other girl gripped her wrist with a blood covered hand. She was no longer a child, and she was no longer wearing jeans and a t-shirt. She was wearing all black- black combats, black tank top, black shades. It was the same thing she had been wearing when she was killing White's team, right down to the blood covering her body and the tattoos on her arms. It was a drastic change from the little girl that she had been. Max stared at her reflection in Erin's shades and wondered if this terror was what White had felt before Erin knocked him out cold.

She glanced briefly down at the ground so far below her and blanched. She wasn't as strong as her brother.

He had been injured, he would slow her down, he would not go back to Manticore. He'd made a choice and it was a choice that Max could not forget. His choice was death. As he held onto the rope, Max had seen the decision form in his eyes, she had seen the exact moment when he had weighed his options and come up with the only suitable conclusion.

"Sorry Max" was all he said as he let go of the rope and fell.

'No!' Max reached downwards over the edge of the space needle, knowing it was too late, knowing that she was watching her brother die. Seth looked up at her, giving her a smile, a smile that would stay with Max forever as she watched him fall. Was that a tear running down his face? Was he crying? Or was it just the rain? Unable to watch the moment when her brother hit the floor, Max turned away and cursed her enhanced hearing as she heard the excruciating sound of her brother hitting the concrete so far below the space needle.

No, she didn't think she was that strong.

"Think Max" Erin spoke, pulling her out of her memories, "Think. Why would I leave? Why would I be able to do this and not tell you? Why did I get with Alec? Why didn't I kill you all in your sleep? Why? Why? Why!"

"You didn't because you didn't know!" Max yelled out desperately as she felt Erin's grip slipping, yelling the first thing that popped into her head. "You didn't know!"

It was true, it had to be.

"I'm sorry, Max." The voice was still there in her head.

Max swayed as her dangling body was battered by the rain. "You wouldn't kill us! You can't kill me now! You're their friend! You're MY friend! That's why!" Her heart was pounding in her ears, she couldn't breathe, she couldn't tear her gaze from Erin's face.

Erin smiled, a twist of the lips that was bitter, mocking. "Time's a changin', Maxie. You don't trust me, they don't trust me. I'm in a world alone out here and you deserted me. I'm just a killer, right? Someone to be used by you or the cult. What d'you think I'm gonna do now, Maxie? Huh? What so you think I'll do now I have nothing left? No one left?"

"I'm sorry, Max."

Suddenly Max knew. She knew the desperation that Seth had felt. She knew his determination. She knew his fear. She knew what Erin would do. She couldn't do it, she couldn't let her do it. Her heart slowed and she could breathe again.

"I trust you, Erin" She told the girl simply, "I trust you with my life. I trust you with my family."

Erin's face shut down as she replied quietly, "Too late."

Max tried to swing herself up, but Erin let go of her grip on her wrist and she fell… only, she didn't.

Max found herself crouching on the roof of the needle, looking down into Erin's face as she gripped her hand in a slippery grasp. Erin's face was changing constantly. One second she was her child self, the next the adult Erin, the next face made Max's heart truly stop for a second.

Green eyes, soaked black hair, square jaw, ruggedly handsome features. Her brother Seth stared up at her for a brief moment before turning back into Erin's child self again and going through the three images over and over.

"You can't die!" Max gasped as her grip on the girl's hand began to weaken. "You can't die!"

Erin looked up at Max calmly as they were battered by the rain. Was that a tear rolling down her cheek or just the rain? "Sorry Max" was all adult Erin said and then let go of Max's hand.

Max reached downwards, watching as Erin fell, knowing it was too late, knowing someone else she cared about was about to die, just like her brother. "No!"

"I'm sorry, Max."

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Max sat bolt upright in bed, her hand reaching out to try to grab Erin's hand, her breaths coming in great heaving gasps that filled her chest with searing pain.

The realization that she had been dreaming caused her to groan in frustration. She fell back into bed even as a strong pair of hands gripped her shoulders gently, easing her back down slowly so she didn't do anymore damage to herself.

Max blinked up at Zack as he kneeled beside her with a worried expression that went all the way to his eyes. She hadn't lost everyone…yet.

"What's wrong?" He asked her as she searched his face, gripping one of his large hands in one of her small ones. "Are you hurt? Max, what is it?"

"We need to find Erin. We need to bring her back."

Her words caused him to sit down heavily on the end of her mattress that stood for her bed. He stared at her for a moment, his face becoming unreadable before he sighed.

"You need to think about this, Maxie." He told her gently as he straightened the covers. "Firstly, what makes you think she wants to be found and brought back? She chose to leave last night, Max. You heard it yourself. Then there's the fact that she lied to us- lied to all of us when we trusted her. The others aren't going to forgive and forget so easily."

"I know, believe me, I know" Max sighed and struggled to sit up further in bed. Her injuries were healing faster than a norms but they still hurt. It would take at least a week and a half for her to be back in decent shape, and at least 2 to be back to normal, and that was if she didn't strain herself.

Zack grabbed a pillow and propped it behind her, helping her to lean back gently. Max sank back into the pillow, giving Zack a grateful look before continuing.

"I had a dream" she looked down at her hands in her lap. She hated talking about her dreams, it made her stand out even more amongst her people. She didn't like it. "We were at war, I think. People were dead, murdered, I could hear screaming. But this dream wasn't about us, it was about her." Max ran her hands over the sheet, "We're not the only ones being betrayed, Zack. She trusted us too, and when she changed, we treated her like the enemy."

Zack opened his mouth to reply but Max placed a finger on his lips as she looked him in the eyes. "What do you think she'll do now that she's in a world that's not her own, totally alone with nothing, with no one? What do you think she'll do if she believes that she's being used, or that people want to use her?"

A look of dread began to form on his face at her words. She wasn't the only one who knew Erin to some extent. Since being found by the others, they and his experience on the outside had opened Zack up a lot, made him more human. He'd allowed others to get to know him, he smiled more, and he'd made friends. Erin had been one of them.

Max looked away again as she spoke of something he or the others didn't know. "I was there when Seth died, Zack. She kept changing into him as she spoke to me. He chose death over Manticore. She'll choose death over being used, over having nothing."

"You were there when he died?" Zack whispered, his eyes wide before he swallowed, shook his head and got back on track, knowing Max would tell him about it later. "We don't even know where she is, she could be-"

"She's at the space needle." Max interrupted, "I want you to go with one of the others who wasn't openly hostile towards her. We need to bring her back so we can figure this shit out, and to keep her safe."

"One of the others? Are you sure that's safe? I mean, it would be safer if I took a security team with me."

"No it wouldn't" Max shook her head and then winced at the movement, "it would only make her want to stay away more. Think about it, she needs to know that there's at least a couple of us who still trust her."

She raised a hand before he could make her statement false. "I know you're hurt too, Zack, but we don't have the whole story. Wait until we have that before you pass judgement."

Zack shut his mouth and leaned in to give Max a quick kiss on the forehead before nodding, standing up and walking away.

"Hurry!" Max called after him, "Don't let her die thinking she's alone in this world."

As Zack let the stairwell door close behind him, Max let a tear roll down her face as she put her head in her hands.

__

"I'm sorry, Max."

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**__**

A/N: Am I really thick enough to write a sequel to Erin after the previous story lasted almost 3 years? Guess I am. shrugs Anyway, if you have any questions about this story, they'll either be answered by reading 'The Story Of Erin' or in the coming chapters. Obviously, not everything is going to be apparent straight away, and some things WILL be left unanswered until the sequel to this story. Why did it have to be a trilogy damnit!


	2. I Got You

****

A/N: Thank you for all the reviews! This next chapter is mostly about Erin's feelings, and what two of her friends think about what happened in the last few chapters in 'The Story Of Erin.' It's kind of one of those chapters that make you either want to go "Aww…" or, "What the f!" Hopefully, you guys will think it's an "Aww…" one. Heh.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

****

Chapter 1: I Got You

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

****

O.C.: Sector four? I ain't goin' all the way out there. It's raining.

Normal: Is it raining in Seattle? Stop the presses.

-O.C. and Normal (Designate This)

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

****

'Can you help me I'm bent

I'm so scared that I'll never

Get put back together'

-Matchbox Twenty (Bent)

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

It had been less than 24 hours since all had gone to hell. Dawn was close but had yet to break. The sky was still black and the rain was still falling heavily, yet Erin somehow knew with certainty that it would happen in less than 2 hours. She hadn't been able to sleep, hadn't even tried. She'd gone back up to the derelict restaurant, sat on the floor with her back to the inner wall near the lifts and looked out through broken glass watching the rain fall and allowing herself to seethe in a way she hadn't let herself do since arriving in Terminal City. Her life officially sucked. She had nowhere to go, had no idea how to get her questions answered and she still had no idea if she was ever getting home or how she could go about it. She'd turned into some kind of monster- literally _and _she was alone. She was also extremely pissed off with the fact that a jump off of the space needle hadn't solved her problems. As a matter of fact, in her current state of mind, it made things worse. To say that she was in a bad mood was an understatement.

Standing up, Erin wandered over to a window and looked out. Her clothes had dried yet she hadn't really noticed. She hadn't really noticed anything, her thoughts taking up most of her concentration. For instance, question one: What the hell was she!

Erin swung herself up onto the dome, not feeling the rain as it pelted her skin with icy water. Was she some kind of weapon? A mutant? A hybrid? What! If it weren't for certain traumatic experiences in her childhood, she'd have been raised completely normal back home in Britain. So why did this happen now?

Questions two and three: Why now? And what triggered it? It could be any number of things- being in a different reality, she could've been exposed to something, or it could've been something that was going to happen all along- something in her DNA that had lay dormant until this moment in time. It could've been triggered by her age, or by some kind of virus.

Question 4: Why did she have weird flashes of the past? At least she thought it was the past. The place she was in looked so primitive in it's way, yet nothing like she'd ever seen before. It really must be the past. There were nothing of modern design that she had seen in them at all. It also _felt_ old- like a memory, though she knew for a fact that she wasn't that person, that she wasn't from that place- she just didn't do those things. A voice in her head questioned what exactly it was that she had done before in TC. If it wasn't the same thing then what the hell was it?

Did these visions have something to do with what she was and why she was like this now?

Question 5: What was the link to the cult? They knew about her, knew her name, knew what she could do… mostly. They feared her, yet would want her to join them. It was obvious that they saw her as a threat to their plans whatever they were.

Question 6: Could she ever learn how to control these new instincts and powers? Was she stuck like this or could it possibly be a one off deal that would end soon? God, she hoped it was the latter.

Erin looked down at the city, watching the glittering lights, feeling the dawn getting closer. It seemed so unreal, but then, everything about her life now was. She glanced down at her arms covered in swirling black tattoos. They stood out starkly against her pale skin.

The only way she could think of getting her answers was from a member of the breeding cult. Sandeman would be the best bet but she had no idea how she could find him or if he was even alive anymore. The only other choice was White and she wasn't going back where she wasn't wanted. She had never inflicted her presence on anyone and she wasn't going to start now.

Down below her, she caught sight of two motorbikes coming to a stop at the base of the needle.

Erin heard herself growl and forced her mouth shut. She was Erin now, not that monster. Folding her arms, she remained where she was and waited to see who it was and what they wanted.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Zack and Mole got off the bikes and made their way inside to the bank of lifts. They ignored them, doubting their safety and made their way to the stairs.

"Okay," Mole growled around the cigar in his mouth, he held a helmet in one hand, the other was surprisingly empty, but he wasn't unarmed. He had a glock in the pocket of his jacket. "How the hell are we gonna do this? I mean, the kid left for a reason, don't you think it would be a wise choice to let her stay away?"

Zack shook his head, "Max had a dream, thinks Erin will do something drastic."

"The kid always had a good head on her shoulders before." Mole looked around the narrow space as they made their way steadily upwards, neither rushing.

"Exactly, but she's not really herself now, is she?" Zack shrugged, "Max thinks it'll be safer if Erin stayed in TC. I'm actually beginning to see her point, and besides…" Zack gave the lizard-like transgenic a sideways glance, "do you want Erin alone out here despite everything's that happened?"

His reply was Mole picking up his pace.

Zack gave a small smile, everyone knew that the big lizard was fond of the girl. His smile disappeared once again. He only hoped that the Erin he knew was still in there and they weren't about to be killed on a pointless mission.

They reached the top and pushed the door open cautiously, looking around the derelict restaurant. Tables were broken and scattered around the place, the same as several chairs. A lot of the place was covered in graffiti, and most of the windows were broken.

The transgenics made their way around the restaurant slowly, looking for the girl Max had been certain was there.

"What do you want?" The quiet voice made them spin towards one of the windows.

Erin was stood on the slippery roof with her back to them, her arms folded, her back straight. She was drenched to the bone but she didn't seem to notice as the rain slid down her skin. She seemed almost like a statue, unmoving, showing no signs of life. Zack couldn't even see if she was breathing.

"We've come to take you back," Zack edged closer to the window, his eyes never leaving her, wondering is she was going to attack or jump. He didn't know how she could stand on the slope and not fall. Water slid down it's surface and ran off the end like a waterfall, never slowing, never stopping. The water ran over and around her feet, yet she didn't move, didn't struggle to balance and stay upright.

"Why?" Erin still spoke in that quiet deceptively calm voice, not moving a muscle as she seemed to look out into the night. It was hard to tell, she still wore her shades. "What's the point? I can smell your fear, Zack. Why would you want me anywhere near you?"

"Because, you're my friend, Erin," Zack replied truthfully, "I don't want anything to happen to you."

A snort was his only response.

"C'mon kid," Mole spoke up, his usual sarcastic tone gone, "you have to come back. We need to figure this out."

"What's there to figure out? I'm a killer, right? Someone who obviously can't be trusted."

"Erin-" he started but she interrupted him, spinning around to face them.

Zack's breath hitched as he watched the quick movement yet Erin didn't even falter slightly.

"No!" her voice became harsher, louder, "Just get back on your bikes and go. I'm not wanted there, I'm not wanted anywhere in this world."

"Oh woe is you!" Mole snapped back.

Zack's head snapped around as he glared at the other transgenic. Was he insane!

"Listen up, girl, and listen good." Mole continued, puffing on his cigar, he slowly approached the window. "There are people at TC who care about you, people who still trust you."

He got another snort in reply but he carried on. "Take another whiff, kid. Can you smell _my_ fear?"

Erin didn't answer instead she went very still again.

"You aren't alone in this place, and as far as I'm concerned, you'll never be. So Blondie here fears you- what d'ya expect? You had those snake freaks pissing themselves and screaming like little girls."

Mole ignored the glare he got from Zack for the Blondie comment.

Mole cracked smile, "I wasn't freaked- shocked yeah, but not freaked. Knew there was a reason why I liked you."

"I don't even like me," her whisper barely reached them.

"Yeah, well, I never said you was particularly smart." Now he _definitely _knew he was annoying her.

"I... I killed them, Mole," her voice had lost all of it's anger to be replaced by fear. "I killed them all and a part of me didn't care… a part of me wanted more."

Mole's face softened. "Erin, it wasn't you- not really, okay? We'll not let it happen again, we'll find out what's happening to you."

Erin seemed to shrink in upon herself, her arms wrapping around her wet body as the rain continued to pound into her skin.

"You've been living with assassins since you got here, Erin," Zack spoke up quietly, softly, "We all know what it's like to kill. You're not going to be judged for saving lives, for saving Max. I might fear what you're capable of" Zack edged closer, "but I'm not afraid of you."

"The others are."

"They'll get over it," Zack shrugged, "and you'll find that they're just as eager to figure this out as you are."

Erin shook her head, seeming to shrink even more, "I can't trust myself. I don't want to hurt anyone else, I can't hurt anyone else. White knew what I was feeling, he knew what I wanted." Her face twisted into a snarl and her voice turned out bitter, "Death, violence, blood and pain. I can't ever seem to escape it. It never goes away." She turned around and wandered over to the edge, looking out over the city below them.

This time, his heart seemed to stop. She was going to fall, he knew she was. Zack tensed and moved over to the window, following Mole as he swung himself up onto the roof, following Erin.

The water tried forcing them to trip, to slip and fall to their deaths. Only transgenic balance kept them upright as their cautiously moved towards Erin.

"Join the club, kiddo."

Both men just stopped out of reach, not too close, not too far.

"You wanna trade war stories?" Mole looked out over the city as he was battered by the rain. He forced himself not to shiver, his kind were designed for desert warfare- blistering heat and freezing nights, not freezing rain and bitter winds.

"Look Erin, you have at least 3 people who care about you." Zack edged closer, his feet sliding dangerously. An Ordinary would be dead already. "That's at least 3 people who want you back. Won't you give it a try? Won't you give us a try?" he looked briefly out over the city, seeing dawn approaching and knowing they had to get back before it arrived. He looked back at the small girl in front of him as she turned to look up at him. "Please?" he held out his hand. That's when it happened.

One second he was standing, the next he was on his back for a brief second, sliding towards and then over the edge.

A yell from Mole was the only warning he got as he swung his body around mid-fall and tried to catch himself, tried to grip the ledge. He missed.

He was falling, he was going to die, he knew he was. Zack forced his eyes to remain open, and it was a good job he did otherwise he would've missed what happened next and wouldn't have been able to believe it.

One second he was falling to his death, the next a small hand snaked over the edge and gripped his wrist.

Zack was yanked to a stop. Looking down at him, crouching precariously on the edge was Erin, a determined look on her face.

He could hear Mole edging slowly down the slope towards them, swearing loudly.

"I got you." Erin ground out through clenched teeth as the waterfall of rain drenched Zack further and made Erin's grip on him worse. "I got you."

She turned briefly to yell over her shoulder, "Go back inside, Mole! I don't think I could save both of you! Go!"

Still swearing loudly, Mole did as he was told.

"Okay," Erin muttered to herself, "You can do this…"

"Erin!" The strangled cry broke from Zack's throat as he glimpsed the drop below him before looking back up at the only thing stopping him from falling.

"It's okay, Zack. If I fall, hold onto me." She muttered absently as she gripped the metal edge of the roof with her free hand.

"What?" Zack could hardly see through the rain above him.

He didn't get a reply, instead, Erin began to straighten slowly.

"Erin!" Zack yelled again, panicking.

Slowly, Zack found himself rising upwards, as Erin slowly stood, letting go of the edge, she kept her hold on Zack's wrist. Soon, he was dangling in the air, his face level with Erin's. As soon as he was able, he swung himself forward, Erin let go of his wrist to grab his leather jacket, yanking him back onto the roof.

"You're an idiot, Zack!" Erin yelled at him as he caught his breath. She helped him straighten into a standing position and then, grabbing one of his hands, began to pull him back towards the restaurant, "You're a total idiot!"

Still gasping, Zack climbed through the window, Erin following.

She stood before the two transgenic as Mole patted Zack on the back. "What were you two thinking! Climbing onto the roof like that! You could've been killed!"

"We were following you!" Zack yelled through strangled breath, "You were the one walking around on the roof like it was a day in the park!"

"What were you thinking!" Mole joined in, "You could've fallen and no one would've been able to save you!"

Erin turned abruptly and walked away from them, "A fall from the space needle wouldn't have killed me."

"And how the hell would you know! No one's indestructible, kid! Not even you!" Mole and Zack followed her.

"I know because I've already done it!" Erin yelled back, spinning to face them.

There was silence for a few stunned seconds.

"You FELL off the space needle!" The cigar dropped from Mole's mouth.

"Not exactly." Erin's voice fell back to normal levels. 'They can't understand, how could they?'

"You JUMPED off the space needle!" Mole yelled now.

Erin turned to walk away again, not replying but she suddenly found herself unable to move, wrapped in someone's arms. Blinking back tears, she looked up at Zack and the look he directed at her made the tears run free.

"It's okay," he whispered, brushing her hair behind her ears and kissing her forehead. "It's okay," he said, understanding.

Erin couldn't help it, she began to sob.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

****

A/N: Guys! Hello! Wow, I was really shocked with the amount of reviews I got simply for the first chapter! Thank you! I've included a few answers for some of the reviews that included questions in them. If I haven't replied to you, sorry about that but I'm trying to put a limit on how many replies I give this time.

For those of you waiting for an update with my other stories, don't worry about it. The next chapter for my HP fic is waiting to be posted, and the next chapter for 'Dead Is Forever' is being written. My original fic is still being rewritten, but as usual, my fanfiction takes precedence.

Riley: Mole slapping Logan? Well, I still can't guarantee it but I'm hoping to find a convenient reason to make it happen! Don't worry though, either way, Logan's gonna get his. The last story was 55 chapters long. Hopefully, this one will be shorter as I don't want this one to last another 3 years. I haven't actually put a limit on my chapters as that usually means I would totally screw it up trying to fit everything within that number, OR, I'd go way passed it.

Skysha-Tranqui: My plot and characterisations. Hehe, you make it sound like I planned it all! Some of it I did, a lot of it is improvisation though. It's nice to know that it works! Thanks!

VampireBunny1: Mmm, Alec shower scenes. You know, just thinking about that makes this huge grin appear on my face! lol, I'll see what I can do. gets a dreamy look on face

cat x5-989: I haven't really thought about the whole claiming thing, to be honest. I'll have to see what I can do about that.


	3. A Story Untold

**__**

A/N: Sorry it's taken so long for me to post this. I seem only to have one beta left and she's been really busy lately so I'm looking for at least a couple more to help me out.

What you would be required to do is check my grammar and spelling, give me advice and your opinions on plot ideas and make plot suggestions. This means you'll get to see my chapters before they're posted, and know a LOT about the story and where it's all going. Hell, if you want, you could make covers, banners and avatars for them if you want to. Hmm, that'd be pretty cool actually.

Also, I've been looking to revamp my site for months now but don't have the knowledge. If anyone's interesting in helping me with that, again, please contact me.

Anyway, if any of you are interested, please, please, PLEASE email me. My email address is in my profile. Thanks!

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

****

Chapter 2: A Story Untold

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**__**

'Look what the cat dragged in.'

-Syl (And Jesus Brought A Casserole)

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**__**

'I don't want the world to see me

Cause I don't think that they'd understand

When everything's made to be broken

I just want you to know who I am'

-The Goo Goo Dolls (Iris)

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Erin didn't know how it happened. One minute, she was seething with anger, hating herself beyond reason, the next, she was sobbing in Zack's arms as he held her, listening to the soothing words he murmured and never wanting to be alone like that again. She knew it was a lie- that she would end up being alone, that Zack, though he might understand some of what she was feeling, could never truly grasp the feeling of helplessness and hatred she felt towards herself, towards the world. But, for those few brief moments, she allowed herself to feel safe, to feel protected, maybe even loved, and it was somewhere during those few brief minutes, she found herself agreeing to go back with them to Terminal City. She found herself sat behind Zack on his bike, her arms around his broad leather clad frame, watching Terminal City come closer and closer. Behind her shades, her eyes narrowed as she allowed a feeling of bitterness to wash over her. Bitterness and dread.

A certain someone resided in this city. A certain someone who was still there. A certain someone who she had given her heart to. A certain someone who would probably hate her for as long as she remained in Seattle, maybe for as long as he or she lived. Alec.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

"So… she's coming back…" Jondy sat down at one of the tables in HQ. "What d'you think is going to happen?" Mole had called them as soon as they had made it down from the space needle.

Jondy briefly looked down at the paperwork littering the table's surface. Max was looking at the list of weapons and other useful things that Krit had drawn up for her. There was also a list of contents that had been found in the abandoned lab below Terminal City. Max seemed to be only half-heartedly looking through the lists, with her mind obviously elsewhere.

The transgenic leader shrugged, wincing at the movement before looking around them, "No clue. Guess we're gonna have to see how it goes. Have you seen Alec?"

Jondy narrowed her eyes. There was something her little sister was keeping from her, she knew it. Zack was the same, then Mole got let in on it and whatever 'it' was, and it was something that had made him agree to go with her old CO to retrieve Erin.

Knowing Max or Zack would tell her eventually, Jondy nodded and winced in sympathy. "Zane went to tell him that Mole and Zack are bringing her back. He didn't tell him nicely."

Zane was still being stubborn. He had always been the same- once his trust had been taken advantage of, it was almost impossible for anyone to regain his trust in them. Erin would have to work hard if she wanted him to give her another chance.

Max winced too now, though not from any of her own injuries. "How hurt is he?"

Unfortunately, Jondy's boyfriend could also act like an idiot from time to time too, despite his enhanced brainpower. For instance, telling someone that their traitor girlfriend was coming back to Terminal City was not a good idea. Especially if he was telling someone that was at one point, one of the highest ranking transgenics in Manticore.

"The idiot got himself a dislocated shoulder and a black eye." Though Jondy was technically dating Zane, she didn't seem to feel sorry for him. He got himself into these kind of situations, and he could get himself out of them. Jondy was on neutral ground when it came to Erin, she had no idea what to think about the girl.

"That's lucky, Alec could've killed him" Max murmured looking around her, though not sounding too concerned. She knew that her friend wouldn't kill Zane for insulting Erin- hurt him, yeah, but not kill him. Max knew without a doubt that Alec would be difficult to deal with for a while, or at least until he put the mask back up- the one she had gotten past when it was revealed what had happened with Rachel. Max hated that mask. She hated to see him pretending, albeit convincingly, that he was always alright. He was her friend- one of her best friends. She hated seeing her friends hurt, she hated watching their hearts break and knowing there was nothing she could do about it.

"We should move this somewhere else. This place is too confined, we need to do this somewhere bigger, somewhere more open" She stood up slowly, smiling her thanks when Jondy stood up and offered her her arm. "Erin will feel too cornered here, we can't have her panicking."

"Where shall we move it? The bar?" Jondy began to lead them towards the exit.

Max thought about if for a second. It wasn't very private, but Erin's answers needed to get around to the rest of the transgenics. Erin was going to be questioned, but it will only be a few of them asking the questions. If it got out of hand, whoever triggered it would be escorted out and put into a cell for a little timeout session.

"Yeah," Max finally answered, "the bar should be cool."

Nodding, Jondy pulled out her cell phone and called Mole.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

'Run!' her mind screamed at her as she slid off the bike and began to walk with Zack and Mole towards the bar. She was walking between them, one on either side like bodyguards, or maybe prison guards.

She felt bile rise up in her throat, bitter and acidic, making her want to spit on the pavement to remove it's taste from her mouth. She swallowed it instead, hiding her fear, and anger behind the stoic unfeeling mask she'd perfected as a child.

'Run!' her mind continued to scream at her as she clenched her fists tightly in her pockets, causing the knuckles to crack and Zack to give her a sideways glance.

'He's in there, they're all in there! They hate you! They turned on you! You betrayed them! You deserve no ones trust!' Conflicting emotions battled inside of her and Erin briefly closed her eyes a second before opening them again, making them unreadable as they approached the warehouse-like building that had been converted into a bar/ chill out area/ skating ramp kinda zone. She used to hang out here when she was relaxing, laughing with her friends. Now it would be the place of her interrogation. If she was lucky, maybe her execution.

She couldn't hear anything clear from behind the large metal doors, maybe a chair scraping, a few mumbles of conversation, a gun being loaded.

Mole walked forward, grasped the metal handle and pulled the door open.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Erin didn't need to see the anger on everyone's faces as she walked into the warehouse, her feet still making no sound on the floor despite the fact that she was now in control of her own body. She looked like a drowned rat, and a teenager to boot, but that didn't mean they believed her exterior anymore. The predator was still in her, lurking under the surface, just waiting for the chance to get out. No, she didn't need to see the anger on everyone's faces- she could smell it's bitter smell, taste it's sour taste and feel it as it caused the muscles in her body to tense, even as she fought the urge to growl a warning at them as they fingered their guns and knives.

Erin forced herself to keep her eyes on Max as she walked into the giant room, Mole and Zack on either side of her like armed guards. Even then, she found herself examining escape routes before she realized what she was doing, at the same time as her mind was deciding who to kill first, who to use as a shield, who was weakest. Erin gave her head a minute shake, forcing herself to remain focused on the transgenic leader, the woman who was watching her with open concern as she stood by one of the tables set up near the bar and dance floor, to the right of the skating ramp. Beside her stood Jondy , Zane and Lee, to her left stood Tawney, Krit, Syl and Logan. Sketchy, Dalton, Zero and Bullet were all sat on the ramp, looking down at her with blank faces. Brin, Josh and Cindy sat at the bar, on either side of the most important person to Erin in the room- Alec. He had his back to her, a glass in one hand and a bottle in the other but she knew that he knew she was there. She could tell in the way his back tensed and the way he gripped the bottle tighter.

Erin forced her eyes back to Max as she came to a stop some distance away from her when she heard over 50 guns being loaded. They were surrounded by over 100 other transgenics, all of them wanting to kill her. Somehow, Erin just couldn't seem to make herself care. Instead, she let her arms down by her side, kept her face blank and refused to shuffle as Mole and Zack remained on either side of her, tense, cautious.

Erin waited, not saying anything.

"Are you okay?" Max broke the tense silence, taking a cautious step towards her.

Erin almost laughed. She was treating her like she was dangerous. The laughter died before it even made itself to her throat. She _was_ dangerous.

"Five by five" she shrugged, ignoring the glare she received from Zack.

Mole wouldn't let her comment stand as he snorted, "Five by five my ass, kid. You jumped off the freakin' space needle!"

Erin shrugged and ignored the fact that Alec had now spun around to stare at her. "I'm no one's pawn. Don't want to stay in a world where I'm not wanted." She was pleased that her voice came out bored sounding.

"You're lucky you didn't die, Erin" Zack told her quietly.

Erin turned to glare at him and she allowed a small amount of anger to show, "Lucky for who? Besides, luck had nothing to do with it. It seems that it'll take more than that to kill me." She allowed a small bitter smile to grace her lips, "Don't worry though, I'm sure I'll come up with something soon."

"Don't Erin" Max stepped closer, her voice loud, almost desperate.

This time, Erin allowed herself to laugh, "Max, will you listen to yourself? We're surrounded by over 100 transgenics who are just itching to shoot me, and you're asking me not to kill myself. C'mon, give them the order- it'll save us all some time."

Max was not deterred, "They will NOT shoot you- any of them that tries will have it done to themselves, understand?"

There were some shuffling from the crowd but no one said anything. Some of the guns were lowered, but the majority remained pointed at the girl.

Erin smirked at Max and shook her head, "I'm rolling my eyes right now."

"Why don't you take the glasses off?" Logan piped up, the gun looking ridiculous in his hands as he aimed it at her head, pretending to know how to use it properly.

"Ah, I was wondering when you were gonna start blabbin'. Aren't you meant to be in the garage?" Erin turned to look at him, the annoyance obvious in her voice. "And to answer your question, they don't feel normal to me, so it's safe to assume that they don't look it either." Erin's accent seemed very pronounced as she spoke, pointing out the fact that she wasn't like them in more ways than one.

"I think we should be the judge of that" Logan replied condescendingly, ignoring the exasperated looks he received from the surrounding transgenics. Max, realizing that he had got a gun from somewhere, nodded at Lee who stalked over to him and snatched it from his hands, earning herself a glare. Lee simply smirked, tossed her hair over a shoulder and walked back to where she was standing, the gun loose in her hand. To be honest, they were a tad bit curious about her eyes too.

"I think not" Erin replied, just as condescendingly, "My eyes are very sensitive right now, Ferret, and just because you're a nosey sod doesn't mean that I'm going to risk the chance of blinding myself." She turned back to Max, "Are you gonna start the inquisition or are we going to stand here for the rest of the night?"

Taking a deep breath, Max nodded, "Fine, take a seat."

Erin shrugged, walked over to the ramp, climbed up the ladder and sat on the edge closest to Max, her feet dangling. Dalton and the others were on the other side of the ramp so it wasn't like they could push her off or anything. Like it'd make a difference.

"Why don't you start from the beginning," Max suggested as Mole and Zack approached her. Max sat down in an empty chair and stretched out her legs, trying to appear more relaxed than she was. "Tell us how you came to be here… in this… world."

Erin raised her eyebrows, "You want it from the beginning? Ookay, this'll take a while." She wrapped her arms around the metal poles that acted as a barrier incase anyone fell off the edge of the ramp. She rested her chin on the cold metal, its solidness somehow making her feel more real. "The first thing I've got to say is this- I'm not going to tell you what year I'm from or how old I am- it's rude to ask a woman her age. I'm also not going to tell you everything about my past- those of you who know it" Her eyes flicked to Alec and then Jondy, "should know that it's the truth- I never made any of it up." Jondy simply nodded while Alec, his face emotionless, simply stared at her.

"I'm also not going to tell you why or how I know lots of things about you guys and this world."

"Why?" Zack had placed himself beside Max, towering over the smaller transgenic as she sat in her chair.

"It would make you question your very existence" Erin replied simply.

"We already are" Max replied just as calmly, though a frown marred her features. "We've been questioning it for years."

Erin shook her head, "I don't mean you as in transgenics. I mean you as in your entire world- humans, transgenics, Earth."

"So you really are from a different planet!" Sketchy's awed voice reached her. Erin turned around to stare at him, dumbfounded, "Dude, I'd slap you right now if it wouldn't give you brain damage."

Sketchy's look immediately changed from one of awe to anger and Erin wished she hadn't said that. "Look mate, I'm not an alien. I'm from a different EARTH not a whole different planet. I'm from a different reality."

There was silence for a few moments as everyone attempted to take this in.

"What's so different about it?" It was Lee who spoke up now, her voice very neutral.

"Well, for one, there's been no pulse" Erin tried to think of how she was going to explain all this- it was a lot more complicated than she had ever planned it to be. "At least, there hasn't been yet anyway. And no, my reality isn't simply your past and I doubt that an electromagnetic pulse would turn the states into what it is here. They've probably got safe guards for that kinda thing."

"So, you're from a time where that can be prevented?" Lee smirked and Erin frowned.

Oops, don't want to them to know everything. Erin grinned, "I'm not saying that. For instance- we don't have hoverdrones flying around our cities, nor do we have genetically engineered super soldiers… that I know of, anyway."

"But you have computers" Lee pointed out, "You set up Logan's pretty good. And you have stuff like skateboards and motorcycles."

"Ah yes," Erin smirked, feeling some of the darkness recede as she began to toy with Lee. Distraction was good. "But what makes you think that we developed these things at the same rate that this reality has?"

Lee's smirk turned into a pout, "You're not even going to give us a clue as to how old you really are, are you?"

"Nope" Erin grinned properly now, "Just know that I'm 18 in my world and that it isn't this year there."

"Back to how you got here" Tawney caused the grin to disappear as he brought the topic back on track, "What happened?"

He didn't like the fact that she lied to them, Erin could practically see his anger simmering beneath the surface, yet she knew, just like Lee and a few of the others, they were open to change. If she proved herself to them, they just might forgive her.

"A portal, I think" Erin scratched her head absently.

"You think?" The doubt in Tawney's voice was obvious.

Had they each come up with questions to ask her? It looked like they had, and Erin wouldn't have put it passed them.

"It's not like I've seen a portal before, mate. They're not exactly the norm if you know what I mean." Don't get angry, don't get emotional.

"What did it look like?" This came from Brin as she sat on a stool next to Josh with her back to the bar.

Erin thought back to what she had seen, what she had come to think on with hate.

"It was… bright… and blue."

Closing her eyes, Erin forced herself to think back to the day that she had been taken from her world and dumped into that of her favourite TV show…

………………………………………………………………………………….

**__**

A/N: Okay, I need your help people! What kind of situations do you want Erin to get in? What kind of Max/ Zack situations do you want Max in? And yes, I know, several of you want Mole to bitch-slap Logan.

Crazy- Vampire Slayer: No comment. (grins infuriatingly)

Angelofdarkness78: Thanks! There will be more Max and Zack moments in future chapters. After all, Max has only just realized that she likes him.

Skysha-Tranqui: I'm hoping to play on the Zack/ Max stuff a bit more- you know, have him flirt subtly with her and getting her all flustered.

ACharmedJedi: There won't be any Erin/ Alec stuff for a couple of chapters at least, but there WILL be some Max/ Alec interaction and some much needed Max/ Zack stuff going on.


	4. Down The Rabbit Hole

_**A/N: Okay, I finally managed to find the time to get this up and posted. Sorry it took so long, it seems that though this is the Christmas holidays, uni has decided I'm not entitled to an actual holiday and I've been given essays to write, uni books to read and a dissertation to work on. Fun. Riiight.**_

_**Anyway, as previously mentioned, this bit has a bit about Erin first arriving in the 'Dark Angel' universe, her reaction and her explanation to the others. 'Tis a bit depressing but once I get this lot out of the way, the fun can finally begin. I want to say a big thank you to my new betas and thank YOU guys for all the reviews. Without you, this sequel wouldn't be here.**_

_**Now all I have to say is that I hope everyone has a merry Christmas and a happy new year!**_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Chapter 3: Down The Rabbit Hole**

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

'**_Ooh, mutants on the loose. The genetically superior walk among us.'_**

_**-Sketchy (Bag 'Em)**_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

'**_I don't know what's worth fighting for_**

_**Or why I have to scream**_

_**But now I have some clarity**_

_**To show you what I mean**_

_**I don't know how I got this way**_

_**I'll never be alright'**_

_**-Linkin Park (Breaking The Habit)**_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

_Flashback_

The light was blinding, the force incredible as it pushed and pulled her screaming and swearing into it. She couldn't see anything but light, bright blue light that was so bright it almost seemed white in it's intensity. Erin squeezed her eyes shut instinctively as her eyes burned. This allowed her hearing to focus on the roaring sound like nothing she had ever heard before- it could've been like a storm, howling, but no, it wasn't high pitched, it was loud and constant. She couldn't hear her own voice swearing as she felt like she was being flipped everyway possible. It was like she was on the worlds scariest roller coaster, only, there was nothing holding her in to keep her safe and she had no idea where she was going to end up. In effect, Erin was terrified. If she fell out whatever it was she was in, would she go splat? For that matter, would she ever get out of whatever it was she was in? Or was she stuck like this forever until she went insane or her body shut down? What the hell was going on!

Then, just as suddenly, it was over. One minute, she was being flipped upside-down and every other way, the next there was nothing but her own heavy breathing to listen to as she flew out and away from whatever it was that had dragged her kicking and screaming from the streets of her hometown. Erin managed to open her eyes in shock for a second, seeing a flash of green before her body hit the hard floor.

Instinctively, Erin covered her head as her body came to a stop on rough ground. She lay like that for a few moments, stunned and coughing before she allowed herself to open her eyes again and slowly sit up. Before her was a tree.

That made no sense. She'd been taken from a street back home- the only trees nearby were in people's back gardens.

Getting slowly to her feet Erin looked around to encounter another tree and another one and another one. With a start, she realized that she was in a clearing within a wood or a forest.

"Well, this is just… great." She looked around her as she began pick twigs and leaves from her hair. 'I'm in a forest or a wood.' Erin turned around slowly before looking up at the sky to see that is was, well, still light anyway. That gave her nothing. Was it morning here or was it afternoon? Where was here? And how the hell did she end up here and why?

The first 3 questions were answered surprisingly quickly, and all by a certain tall dark and broody bloke.

As Erin pondered on what it was she should do, she heard the sound of many feet tramping through the undergrowth.

Now Erin, not exactly being the instinctively trusting type immediately sprinted away and hid behind a tree. That was probably what saved her life in the first place because just as she got herself situated, White and about 30 guys in cammies burst into the clearing, all aiming very large guns at the spot she'd just vacated.

Erin stared at White open-mouthed, her mouth flapping like a goldfish for a few moments.

There stood Agent Ames White, aka Sandeman's son aka scary cult guy. Wearing his typical suit and long floppy coat as well as waving around a gun, he looked both very real and very dangerous. Erin had finally, most definitely gone off the deep end… or eaten something really bad at Dylan's the previous night. She _knew_ she shouldn't have touched that pizza!

"Where is she!" White spun around, looking wildly about the clearing. "WHERE IS SHE!" His voice grew louder as he grabbed the nearest soldier, "I want a location right NOW!"

"Sir, maybe she hasn't arrived yet?" Another solider asked timidly as he continued to scan the area, "Maybe we've arrived before her?" The soldier was either an idiot or incredibly new.

White stalked up to him and delivered a single punch to his face, knocking him flat on his back with blood tricking down his chin.

"Did I ask for your opinion?" White snarled down at the man as the soldier stared up at him in shock and not a small amount of fear, "No! I didn't. Because we haven't arrived here early, the reader meetings are off the chart, and Erin will have been deposited by the portal RIGHT HERE!"

It was then that Erin noticed several men with what looked like those handheld computer notebook thingies. It was also then that she registered that he'd said her name and the word portal. Shit.

"Now," White stalked away, "It's obvious that she's on the move. I want the dogs brought from the trucks and I want a perimeter created straight away. Travelling in groups of 10 I want you to spread out and search the area for the next 5 miles."

White looked around at the men and Erin could almost see veins getting ready to explode in his forehead. "WHY ARE YOU IDIOTS STILL HERE! MOVE! I'll be with the team heading towards Seattle."

Erin started at this last bit of information. Seattle. America. She was near Seattle and White was here. FUCKING HELL, she was in _Dark Angel_! Her thoughts slowed to a halt as shock and disbelief began to take effect, only to be pushed forcibly from her mind as there was a flurry of activity. It was then that Erin decided it best to do the same thing. She was in the states, not far from Seattle, right? She should head that way. She watched as White turned to move in a direction and as quickly and quietly as possible, made her way around the clearing before breaking into a run in that direction. She was about a fair distance away when she heard the shout and she piled on the speed, hoping that she wouldn't trip up or fall into a ditch or anything. It was then that she did just that, tripping over a branch to fall and skid down a small incline.

Erin jumped to her feet, wincing as she felt a branch dig into her side. She was moving again, the trees becoming a blur once more as the sounds of many feet running, and there in the distance dogs too, reached her ears. Fuck. She was so dead if she didn't get to Seattle. She _really_ hoped it wasn't far.

………………………………...

**Over 1 hour later:**

It was never ending. Erin ran. Foliage suffered as her feet pounded out a relentless rhythm on the mossy earth. Her short dark hair covered her hot sweaty face as her breath came out in puffs of air in front of her as she scanned the trees. Her legs were aching, her lungs burned and her body screamed in protest, but she kept on running through sheer stubbornness… and fear. She had no time to think- only act. This instinct had just saved her life and she wasn't about to give up now. She didn't want to die.

She was sure beyond anything else, that if she stopped she was a dead woman. She wasn't even sure how long she'd been running, but it felt like her heart was ready to explode. She knew it must've been well over an hour.

Darting behind a large tree, she stopped and sagged against it. Her grey combat trousers were covered in bits of bark and leaves, her black sleeveless top was soaked with sweat and her trainers had aged 50 years. If she wasn't so scared and exhausted, Erin would've laughed at the thought. They'd only aged 20 years.

Trying to slow her breathing, silence her gasping and ignore the pounding of her heart in her ears, she froze and listened. The distant sound of dogs barking could be heard and Erin wanted to cry but she wouldn't. She hadn't done that in a long time. Instead, she allowed her eyes to focus on something beyond the trees to her right. A hundred yards away, a road. She looked up at the canopy of green above her and she thanked whatever Gods were listening before she ran towards it, zigzagging through the undergrowth to give the tracking dogs a harder time.

_End Flashback_

"That's how I got here. I slept in an alley my first night, then I found Josh's place the next day," Erin stood up and stretched. "I made myself a plan. Seeing as I knew the most about you guys, I decided to come stay here with you. White wants me, and he wants you too, Max, I thought it was a good idea at the time. So, I went about acquiring a few things I thought you guys would need and I practiced my stealing skills which were nonexistent before I got here. I cased this place and was just about to make my move when these guys here" she nodded at Zack and the others, "got themselves captured. I couldn't exactly let them stay that way, could I?"

Everyone just sat and stared at her. They had listened- all blank faced, and they had listened in silence. Normally, Erin would be very agitated by this- not knowing what they were feeling towards her, but now, at this point- she really didn't care.

"I didn't talk because I didn't want to let slip anything that would give away that I wasn't from this world, or that I knew too much about you guys." Erin sighed and leant forward on the railing, "As it was, I had to reveal some info I knew about this place to help you out. There was _no way _I couldn't tell you about the scanners- it'd cost lives and I couldn't do that."

She looked down at her hands, wondering how it was that these very same hands had killed so many people. Now she'd calmed down, it seemed even less real.

"It was then" she began, "when I was finally beginning to think I could tell you guys the truth, that this happened." Her voice became lower, losing the smoothness that had begun to return from using her vocal cords. She refused to look up now as she gazed intently on the hands that had murdered. "I was watching you, Max, watching as White hurt you and I got _so_ angry." She shook her head and closed her eyes, "But I couldn't do anything- I was too weak- I could hardly keep myself from falling over." She forced her eyes up, up to meet Max's dark intense gaze, "And that was when it hit me."

_Flashback_

A blinding rage raced through her, crashing into her like a physical blow and Erin staggered.

This was not right, what was happening to her? She looked down at her hands and spotted something strange happening to her skin. It was kind of itchy, hot, like fever hot. Her wrists were darker. No, her _arms_ were darker. The very skin seemed to be turning black. Wait, it wasn't. Something was appearing on her skin, pushing up painfully from inside of her and Erin staggered again. Her eyes on her arms, she saw blood begin to trickle from beneath the dark shapes.

Erin gripped the wall, trying to keep standing as she began to shake more violently. She glanced down at the courtyard, at her friends. She didn't need this right now, Max was in danger- they all were. A rushing white noise took away any sound. She couldn't hear what was being said anymore and that frustrated her even more.

White was still stood there, taunting everyone as he hit Max, causing the transgenic to stumble, blood splattering the concrete.

More rage hit her system and that was the final straw and there was nothing she could do. Erin's hands were soaked in her blood and they slipped from the wall.

Erin's body dropped to the floor, shaking like she had a seizure. Her head hit the concrete loudly and Erin's eyes rolled back into her head as her hands balled into fists, her nails biting into her skin until her hands bled. She couldn't speak, couldn't move to get up, couldn't hear what was going on down in the courtyard, couldn't even hear her own laboured breathing.

The pain was like nothing Erin had ever felt before. She couldn't feel anything other than the pain. She couldn't feel her body, couldn't see, couldn't feel the concrete against her cheek. Erin was in more pain than her body could handle. She couldn't think passed the pain like she'd done as a child, couldn't switch off so it didn't seem so bad. The pain was overwhelming, yet under it all, there was something else. There was power. If Erin could form a coherent thought, she would've realized that the pain _was_ the power. Whatever was happening to her was making her convulsing body stronger. Her muscles tightened even more, her body jerking violently as she lay on the floor and with the pain, the power rushed forward.

Erin could feel something else now as blood began to ooze freely from the skin of her arms and back- soaking her black tank top and causing her skin to itch like she had a rash. Erin felt hunger. Hunger for one thing. Blood.

As that one thought managed to get passed the pain and form a coherent thought in her brain, Erin opened her eyes and screamed.

_End Flashback_

"There was pain" Erin whispered, "So much pain that I couldn't think anymore, couldn't feel, couldn't hear, couldn't see- couldn't even scream." She took a deep breath and let it out slowly, "And when it was all over, I was different. Could see better, hear better, smell better. Did you guys know that you guys have different scents depending on what animals are in your cocktails?" A sad smile appeared on her face, "If it was just that- I would be able to handle this but it isn't. Superpowers always come with a catch, right? Mine's this _thing _inside of me. Even now…" Erin stopped, focusing on this beast within her. It was listening, still itching to get out again- waiting for the transgenics to make a move. Just one move and it would be free again.

"Even now, what?" Max's voice was as quiet as her own. Could she feel it too? Did one predator know when another was just waiting for the chance to lash out?

"Even now, it's wanting to kill you" Erin forced herself to tell the truth and the truth came out with a sour taste. She shouldn't be in this situation in the first place. She shouldn't have to tell her friends that there was something in her wanting to kill them all. It was just sick.

"But you haven't let it kill us" Max's voice was still carefully neutral, "You're stopping it from hurting us."

Erin forced herself to straighten and forced her voice to come out stronger and louder, "Don't know how long I can hold it at bay, Max, but either way, that's all I think I can tell you." She pulled her damp hair back from her face as she grimaced, "I'm a girl from a different reality who has found herself being pursued by a breeding cult and yesterday found herself turning into a fucked up killer. Yep, that pretty much covers it." Erin finally took in her friends faces.

Max believed her, that was obvious, Zack and the other '09ers too if their facial expressions were anything to go by. Even Zane seemed less angry. Mole was chewing on his cigar as if his life depended on it and Joshua looked like he was having what Krit had deemed 'a happy attack.' Alec however, she couldn't read. His stance hadn't changed and his facial expression remained as stony as ever. Her sense of smell only seemed to work to tell her what animals were in someone's cocktail and even then it was hard to pinpoint because of the amount of people in the room, the strong scent of other animals, and also the fact that Erin didn't exactly know what every animal on the planet smelt like.

"A blue portal…" Brin drew her gaze, "Why does that seem familiar to me?"

"So, let a girl get this straight" Cindy was the next to speak, interrupting Brin as she went into think-mode. "You was just minding your own, walking down a street when BAM, you're on the roller coaster ride from hell?"

"Aye, that's about it" Erin shrugged.

"Erin from a different world!" Joshua seemed to be bouncing on his bar stool, "Erin could take us there!" He gave her a big grin, "You could take us there to live and there'll be no more screaming and fighting."

Anything good in Erin's mood plummeted even further. "Oh I wish I could big fella, but, ya see, there's a teensy-weensy problem with that plan."

"And that is?" Jondy spoke up, "I mean, think about it. It would mean that we could just disappear into a world where no one knows we exist, right?"

"Problem number 1-" Erin sighed, "Many people do know you exist, but in a way I can't explain without telling you everything. And number 2- Even if you guys _could _go there and live under the radar, there's the little problem with getting there in the first place." Erin ducked her head, muttering the words that had filled her with desperation ever since she had arrived in the world of _Dark Angel_, "I don't know how to get home."

"You don't know how to get back to your family?" Max's voice was filled with a kind of horror. She knew what it was like to be separated from those she loved, but at least she had a good chance in finding them. They were all in the same country, the same world. Erin's wasn't. It was easy to say that this would've been one of Max's worst nightmares.

Erin simply shook her head, not trusting her voice. That was the gist of it. She was in a world without her family. She had changed into something that loved to kill, she had fallen out with what people she had come to consider her close friends and in one case- her lover, and to top it all off, she had no way home. She felt her face go blank.

She watched Max, refusing to look at Alec and see his reaction to this statement. A buzzing filled her ears as she focused on her eyes, her jaw gritting as she stared at Max and tried to keep the tears at bay. She wouldn't cry, not now. Dimly she heard several other guns being lowered or unloaded.

It was time to leave. She jumped off the ramp and turned towards the door. She wasn't going to allow herself to break down in front of them. Instead, she was going to leave, find a place to hold up and hope that she'd change back into her normal self.

No one made a move to stop her.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

_**A/N: Thanks to all your reviews guys. Now, if you want me to leave a reply like this at the end of the next chapter, please leave a review with something I can reply to. I'm always looking for more ideas, so if any of you have some that you think would work, feel free to mention them. Also, if you guys want to see any quotes in here, again, post them in a review or email or something. I'm looking for some funny ones.**_

_**Angelofdarkness78: There'll be a little bit of Max and Zack in chapter 5- Max already knows she likes him as it freaked her out in 'The Story of Erin', however, she's still going to be having to deal with these new feelings. It will probably lead to more awkwardness later on. Thanks for reading my story!**_

_**Riley: It's not going to be in your face flirting. More, well, I'm hoping to not have to have Zack drag Max into a secluded room to kiss her. Zack's getting more approachable as the story continues, and I'm hoping to make him seem more human and less soldier if that makes any sense? Zack's going to get under Max's skin.**_

_**goldstranger: And Erin's going to have to go through some more. She's not going to get back with Alec for awhile, and they're going to have to have a confrontation before they do so and even then, it's not going to be smooth sailing.**_

_**Kyzhart: Thanks for the review!**_

_**Kriskabelle: You are not a suck up and you had me grinning when I read your review. Thank you SO much! I'm really glad you like it and now that you're one of my betas, you can dissect it into little pieces and tell me what needs changing. Do you really think Erin's creepy? Hmm, I was going for the more tortured kinda angle. Must work on that.**_


	5. I'm No Hero

_**A/N: In the flashbacks that Max experiences, the bits in italic are Erin's memories, while the text that remains normal are Max's memories. Just thought I should point that out in case anyone got confused.**_

_**The bits that AREN'T Max's memories and are in italics tend to be someone's thoughts.**_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Chapter 4: I'm No Hero**

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

'**_It's a kick or be kicked in the ass world out there.'_**

_**-Logan (C.R.E.A.M.)**_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

'**_A Hero is someone who does what must be done and needs no other reason.'_**

_**-?**_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Erin had made it to the large metal door before anyone else had so much as moved, appearing to be too shocked to take everything in at once.

"We'll help you." It wasn't Max who spoke this time. It was Alec.

"Why?" Erin refused to turn around, to hope. Her heart began to pound, "I've turned into God knows what and I have the cult hunting for me." _Please say you want me to stay?_

Alec said nothing, just turned back to the bar and picked up the bottle of alcohol again.

"We'll help you because we're your friends," Max replied calmly, surely. "You saved my life, Erin."

"I'm no hero," Erin replied as she turned slowly, her heart plummeting like it was made of lead. "Don't make me into something I'm not." _It's not like I've got anything left._

"You could've just left me to die." Max met her eyes, "But you risked your life and saved me. You saved us all by disarming the bombs." Max started to walk towards her, "You turned into whatever it is you've become, yet you came to help us instead of freaking and bailing. The least we could do is the same." She stopped directly in front of the younger girl and smiled at her, "You don't have to do this alone and you don't have to leave."

_But what if I don't want to stay? _Erin looked up at the slightly taller transgenic, "I've been alone since I got here. S'not like I'm not used to it." _Always alone in the end. Always alone and with nothing but bad memories and nightmares filled with screaming._

"Not anymore," Max smiled at her confidently, "I don't want you to leave, and I don't want you to feel like you have to 'cause you don't- I want you to stay."

_Why does my life have to be so hard? God, I'm so tired. _Erin stared at Max intently, doubt, fear and hope battling each other until Erin didn't know what to feel, except tired in every single way. She felt a hundred years old. _Why couldn't life ever be simple?_

Her eyes moved to Alec as he stared intently at his bottle of alcohol, _Why couldn't love ever be simple?_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Max saw her head move a fraction as Erin's gaze went to Alec's form again. Reaching out to touch Erin was what some transgenics would later say had been one of the most risky things Max had done to date, but 452 didn't care. She knew that Erin wouldn't hurt her, just like she knew that if she didn't help Erin, didn't trust her, then something bad would happen to her. Maybe even all of them. So, knowing it was right, she reached out and touched Erin's face gently, reaching out to push some of her soaked hair behind her ear and to wipe away some of the moisture on her cheeks- whether it was rain or tears, it was impossible to tell.

She smiled gently at her friend as Erin looked up at her, so lost but refusing to even show it on her face. It was experience that had taught Erin to hide her emotions so well, just like them in so many ways. And just like the others, Max couldn't leave her to her fate and let her suffer because no one would believe or trust her.

"You're not alone anymore," she repeated and pulled Erin gently towards her, wrapping her arms around the girl and holding her close. Her heart yelled out against the hand that Erin had been dealt.

She felt Erin remain stiff and unrelenting for a moment before relaxing in degrees, finally wrapping her own arms around her and returning the hug. "You don't have to do this on your own," she whispered to her friend as Erin rested her cheek on her shoulder, "We'll figure this bitch out together. No matter what- I promise."

"Thank you." Erin's reply was so quiet, if it weren't for Max's enhanced hearing, she might not have caught it.

Max smiled softly before she was shoved away so forcibly, she stumbled backwards several paces. The smile vanished as she looked up at Erin, hearing several guns being made ready once again.

"Erin?" _What the hell was that!_

"No, no, no, no!" Erin was shaking her head repeatedly as she backed away, "Not again, NOT AGAIN!"

"What is it? What's wrong?" Alec was by Max's side before she'd even finished her sentence, his serious gaze on Erin as she backed away.

Erin said nothing, only stared at her hands in fear as they began to shake.

"First comes the anger and the shakes," Zack stepped forward, remembering what Erin had said. He looked at both Alec and Max in what could only be described as dawning horror, "It's starting again!"

"Next came the tattoos," Jondy had moved up beside them before moving towards Erin, intent on helping her.

"No!" Zane grabbed her arm, "She shoved Max away for a reason- maybe she's dangerous when she's like this!"

Erin's arms began to shake now, becoming more intense as the tattoos began to fade. She staggered, reaching out to grab something, anything to hold her up as her legs began to give way.

"I don't care!" Max shoved them away and blurred to Erin's side, Alec right there with her. "I told her that she's not alone, and I meant it!" Max reached out to grab Erin's arm, and that's when all hell let loose. Both Erin and Max fell to the ground, shaking as if suffering from the worst seizures any transgenic had ever seen.

Swearing loudly, Alec tried to separate them.

It was as if by some unspoken agreement that the others moved forward. Unfortunately, Logan included himself in this number, and used the chaos that surrounded him to kneel beside Erin and rip her shades from her face. Her eyes were closed.

This time, it was Krit who stood up for the unconscious girl, grabbing Logan by his jacket and hauling him to his feet, furious. "What the hell are you doing!" Krit yelled in the older man's face, letting go of him and shoving him away with enough force, that Logan fell backwards to land painfully on his backside.

"I wanted to see her eyes!" Logan yelled back as he attempted to stand, "White was going on about them so much I wanted to see them for myself!"

Krit's boot was suddenly in his stomach, causing any other words to be cut off as he was slammed back down to the ground with the kick, the wind knocked out of him. "You ever think that you could've blinded her, moron!"

Logan once again attempted to stand as he wheezed, "Hardly. If she's such a predator, then her eyes would've adapted." He managed to gain his footing.

Krit's fist in his stomach made him land on his ass again as the X5 glared down at him, "Yeah? Well what about when she's changing, you shit! Her whole body is trying to adapt and you trying to assault her eyes with unnecessary light is not gonna help her!"

"You mean you guys want her to be able to see us when she slaughters us all in our beds?" Logan's jaw dropped, "You _believe_ this shit!"

Krit looked down first at his sister, and then his friend before turning back to the man who'd been nothing but a pain in the ass ever since he'd met him, "Yeah, I do."

"Correction," Zane stood behind Krit, looking blank faced, "We _all _do."

"And you know what that means?" Logan spun around to glare up at Mole as the lizard smiled down at him. Mole's grin grew around his cigar, "You could've just blinded the kid."

There was a tap on his shoulder and Logan turned round, his mouth opening to give an angry retort but he never got the words out.

Krit's fist slammed into his face, breaking his glasses as well as his nose.

Logan was out for the count. Still, that didn't stop Zane from kicking him in the ribs.

"I've been wanting to do that for ages," he grinned maliciously down at the Ordinary on the floor, "still, would've been better if he'd been awake for it."

"Sorry 'bout that," Krit shrugged, unapologetically.

"Who gives a rats ass?" Mole looked up at the crowd of transgenics still watching, "I want two volunteers now!" Two X5 men stepped forward immediately and Mole grinned at them, "Stick this piece of garbage in one of the freezers in Sector D and stand guard- we don't want him somehow finding a way out to cause anymore trouble, do we?"

Smiling, one of the X5s picked Logan's dead weight up none too gently while the other led the way out of the warehouse.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

"I want two beds made ready in the infirmary STAT!" yelled Jondy as Alec and Zack wrestled with Max and Erin, trying to pull them apart as Max continued to grip Erin's arm with transgenic strength while they both shook violently. Lee was trying to hold Max's legs down while Brin was trying to do the same with Erin's, while both Sketchy and Cindy attempted to hold down Erin's shoulders and keep her head still. Joshua and Syl were trying to do the same with Max but none of it seemed to be working.

Alec looked up at Jondy and shook his head grimly. She gritted her teeth, "Cancel that order, make it one!"

One of the transgenics who had been given a job in the infirmary nodded and blurred away, intent on following her orders.

Jondy gently leaned over Erin, opening her mouth to see if she was in anyway close to swallowing her tongue before quickly doing the same with Max.

Besides seizing, nothing was different about Max. However, Erin was another story. The tattoos on her arms were almost gone, leaving gleaming pale skin except on her upper left bicep where what looked like a thin cut resided. Jondy, being who she was, knew it exactly for what it was- a bullet had grazed her. When the transgenic touched her skin, she had noticed the abnormally high temperature- possibly even higher than their own. But what scared her more was the fact that this temperature was dropping- rapidly.

Alec and Zack managed to get the two girls apart after prising Max's fingers loose. The seizing immediately stopped, both girls lying unnervingly still in the arms of the two men.

"Shit!" Zack swore quietly to himself as he sat Max up carefully, watching as her head rolled back.

Jondy immediately began to check both women out, frowning as she did so, "There doesn't appear to be anything wrong with either of them," she told them, "But Erin's temperature is continuing to drop." She turned to Zack, "Take Maxie to the infirmary so we can keep an eye on her." She turned to the still silent Alec and bit her lip, "What d'you want to do? We need to watch her- that's all I can think of. These restrictions are stopping me from doing my job, Alec."

The Second in Command of Terminal City looked down at Erin's face, his intent gaze taking in her pale skin and the dark circles under her eyes, "I'll take her to bed so she doesn't panic when she wakes up- I'll get someone to watch her."

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

The pain was beyond imagining. Erin tried to scream, breathe, anything but couldn't. She couldn't move, couldn't feel any part of her body. All she felt was pain. It drove all thoughts from her mind as her body's senses were overloaded. It was worse than when she was changing before. The pain was never-ending, never fluctuating. There was nothing but total agony. It felt like she was being ripped apart from the inside. It felt like she was having all of her bones broken. It felt like she was being crushed, like she was being skinned. It felt like she was going to explode, like she was going to burn from the inside out. It felt like everything horribly painful anyone had ever heard of all at once. In effect, it felt like torture. Like dying a most agonizing death. Erin felt like she was going insane. Somewhere, sounding so far away and almost totally drowned out by the screaming in her head, she heard shouting.

Shouting was good, it meant that she had ears and that they were functioning. Too bad she couldn't remember what ears were. Come to think of it, she couldn't remember WHO she was. She couldn't remember anything.

Erin tried to shout back, but she couldn't remember how to shout, how to move her mouth, her tongue. She couldn't remember how to make a sound.

It was never-ending torture and there was no way for her to be able to stop it. Thankfully, it did on it's own.

The sudden return of feeling had the same effect of constant pain. Total overload. At least she could think now. At least she could hear the pounding in her head instead of silent screaming. At least she could see the blurry faces above her. They were familiar somehow and they were moving their lips… talking. She couldn't hear what they were saying. Everything was moving so slow. What was wrong with her? There was a face above her- someone important to her- someone who meant everything to her. Who was he?

The darkness and pain closed in on her and she couldn't think anymore.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

While Erin was experiencing nothing but pain, Max was feeling a mixture of it and many other things- though that didn't make it easier. What Max was feeling, seeing, hearing and smelling was Erin's memories. The only problem was, that Max being who she was and having experienced what she had as a child and as an adult- well, they were far too familiar for comfort.

_Max was in pain or Erin was, it was hard to tell who was who. There was blood, so much blood it looked like there had been a massacre. Max felt sick but Erin was indifferent. She was used to it. Most of it was hers. Max couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't scream. There was nothing she could do to stop the images, to stop the feelings, the sounds._

The laser was a red hot pain that burned itself into her eye and into her brain. She couldn't blink, couldn't move, couldn't do anything as the images and mantra were burned into her skull. Pain is weakness. Weakness gets you killed. Weakness lets down your unit and gets THEM killed. Emotion will not be tolerated. She should be punished.

_They all hit her at once, indecipherable, in no order. And it all felt so real. So terribly real. There was a flash of a needle and some horrible laughter. Pain, agony. "Suffering from shock… depression… Post Traumatic Stress Disorder…" The feel of ribs cracking and legs breaking. Blood trickling from multiple open wounds._

Lydecker stared down at her as she lay on a cold metal table, doctors surrounding her as they broke one of her arms to see how long it would take the bone to re-knit.

_An official sympathetic sounding voice, "I'm sorry, there was nothing we could do…" Bone numbing weariness. A child's voice, "Don't leave me!" More blood, more pain, more laughter. Overwhelming desperation that clogged up the senses and stopped the breath. A fist coming down to hit her again and again and again. Shouting- two children, one man. "Dad!" Sobbing. The taste of blood and salty tears so strong. There was screaming now, echoing loudly. "How much pain can you take?" Pain. Claustrophobia and darkness. "Don't worry, Jake," a child's whisper, "I'm here. I won't let you go." The glint of a knife, another flash of a needle. More beatings. Broken fingers, damaged knuckles from hitting the walls again and again. Steal capped boots. "You're never gonna see the light of day again and you'll die alone." Blood. Pain. Screaming. "This is where family gets you…" Torn nails, screams held inside tight enough to hurt the chest. Blood trickled down her lip where she bit it to hold the screams back. "Scream and we'll kill him." Pain. Darkness. Cold. Identical blue eyes filled with horror and hate. "They'll never find you…" The smell of vomit, of filth, of alcohol reeking breath in her face. "You're gonna beg me to kill you." Blood. Crying. "What did they do to you this time?" a boy's quiet voice. The reply, "It doesn't matter." "Hope you're not scared of the dark." Laughter. "…take it to a whole new level…" "No matter how much you think you can survive, think again." More pain, more beatings, more blood. A deafening gunshot and searing pain. Two more gunshots, "Erin!" Then silence._

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

_**A/N: Next chapter- Max wakes up in an uncomfortable yet nice position and Erin wakes up in a not so nice one.**_

_**goldstranger: Haha, I haven't finished yet- there's loads of angst to come, and you've pretty much hit the nail on the head. Erin isn't from their world. They hadn't known that but for awhile and Erin had kinda forgotten that fact too- if only for a little while.**_

_**VampireBunny1: Um, breeders? You mean the cult? Ah, you mean with her being all kick-ass? I can't really say anything to that as it'd give stuff away from the sequel to this fic- sorry!**_

_**Angelofdarkness78: Weird? Only in a good way! I know what you mean about weird dreams, though sadly, I've never had one about Dark Angel. Last week I had a dream that seemed to be a crossover with the Rugrats and The Simpsons- talk about weird. I woke up very disturbed after that one! Heh.**_

_**Erin and Alec- gonna have to have a confrontation in the near future. Max and Zack- more subtle flirting on Zack's part with some more freaked out Max.**_


	6. I Had To

_**A/N: Finally! This chapter took me forever to write- not because I was having a lot of trouble writing it, but as usual, because the real world is interrupting my hobby! Damnit! Every time I get back into the fanfic mood, something comes along to mess it up. I really hope it's not going to continue like this after I leave uni. I don't want to go out into the real world! Sad, I know.**_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Chapter 5: I Had To**

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

_**Normal: Well, well, well… so far, your moron colleagues have come up with the following excuses for why you're strolling in here at the crack of noon- you had a dental emergency, your aunt died… again, and my personal favourite from this idiot- you were detained by the sector police for practicing witchcraft. Now, would you care to further insult my intelligence?**_

_**Max: I overslept.**_

_**-Max and Normal (Flushed)**_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

'**_And there's a pain in my stomach_**

_**From another sleepless binge**_

_**And I struggle to get myself up again**_

_**I want to hang onto something**_

_**That won't break away or fall apart**_

_**Like the pieces of my heart**_

_**-Something Corporate (Globes And Maps)**_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

When Erin woke up, she wasn't warm like she usually was. There were no arms around her and no steady heartbeat beneath her ear.

Her first thought was, _What the hell hit me! A bus! _Pain screamed from every limb, from most of her muscles, and most definitely from her head. It felt like it was ready to explode or fall off. The second thing Erin thought was, _Oh shit! _as memories assaulted her and she remembered the day before, (Was it day? How long had she been out?) She was a killer. She had some kind of monster inside of her, everyone knew she'd been lying about her origins and the fact that she could speak. She'd hurt Alec. She'd left TC intent on ending it all, an attempt that had failed- something she didn't yet know how to feel about. What's worse, she'd cried on Zack's shoulder. She hadn't cried in years! YEARS! What the hell was happening to her? She'd even allowed him to bring her back, she had faced most of Terminal City and she had asked them to kill her. Crap was a very poorly suited word for her feelings right then, but it was the best she could do before she had fully woken up.

Slowly, she sat up, biting back a groan as her whole body made it's feelings known about moving. She felt like she hadn't slept for a week.

It was the total dullness of senses that struck her most about her condition, right after the amount of pain she was in of course. The fact was, the loss of increased smells and hearing felt beyond strange. In one way, it felt like she'd had something turned off, like her body knew that she should be hearing and smelling more than this. On the other hand, it felt good to Erin, it felt normal. Her body wasn't taking in so much information at once.

Leaning back against a column that Alec had positioned his mattress in front of, Erin quickly gave herself a systems check. Besides feeling like every limb was made of lead, and that proper movement would be a very painful prospect, everything seemed in working order. It was then that she opened eyes that seemed intent on remaining sealed shut. There was a very good reason for that, it turned out.

Light that felt like piercing knives hit her eyeballs, forcing a choked groan of pain from Erin's throat, and making her eyes to snap shut against the offending light. Reaching out, her hands frantically searched for something until they gripped a familiar object in relief.

The dark mirrored sunglasses were slid on and eyes were once again, cautiously opened. She sighed in relief.

The pain was still there, though the glasses muted the lights effect somewhat, reducing the pain to headache proportions instead of a migraine. Much better. Erin could function with this.

Slowly, she swung her legs around, bare feet touched cold concrete and it was then that she realized she'd been changed into the t-shirt that she'd taken to sleep in- it was the same t-shirt Alec had given her so long ago and she'd slept in it ever since. She sighed and closed her eyes briefly, this would be as close to Alec as she'd get from now on. It seemed that if she were to stay, she'd be back on the battered couch again. God, she'd fucked up!

Gritting her teeth and attempting to force all thoughts from her head, she went about looking for her clothes. Her old bag was at the end of the mattress and she quickly went through it, pulling out a pair of jeans and a white tank top. It was then that Dalton and Sketchy walked in.

Erin froze, looking up at their closed off faces for a moment before swallowing and looking down at the clothes her hands still gripped. She was about to drop them and start signing to Dalton when she remembered she didn't have to and she swore internally. "Who got me changed?" Her voice came out rough and she winced.

"Alec," Dalton's reply seemed loaded with emotion simply because his voice held a lack of it.

Erin felt her eyes begin to burn as she nodded, then clutched her head as she remembered what a bad idea it was to move at all. Alec. God, what had she done?

She felt her face close off as a voice in her head simply said 'survive.'

Shuffling, she moved to the edge of the mattress and attempted to stand up, only to stagger and nearly fall if it weren't for Sketchy's grip on her arm. Opening her mouth to thank him, she looked up to see his face. Though he could hide his emotions too, he couldn't do it nearly as well as everyone else in TC and it was because of this that Erin saw the hurt.

She sighed and looked down again. "Give me a minute to get changed- then we'll need to talk."

Nodding once, the two guys left the cubicle to give her some privacy.

About 10 pain-filled minutes later, Erin emerged from the cubicle fully dressed in her jeans, white tank top and trainers, her hair had been brushed back into a small ponytail and her face scrubbed clean with the bowl of clean water that had been left beside the bed.

Her steps were measured and careful as she walked slowly towards the ever present battered couch that the guys were sitting on, silently watching her approach.

"Okay," she moved to drop down on the free end of the couch, only to have Sketchy and Dalton get to their feet and move away. A flash of hurt made Erin want to crawl into a corner and cry but she kept her feelings hidden, "Start yelling."

"We're not going to yell at you," Dalton told her emotionlessly, his eyes blank as he met her gaze.

Erin collapsed backwards, feeling so alone. But then, she was nearly always alone. Alone in this world of transgenics and breeding cults. Alone at home when she was in a crowded room full of people she knew. Alone in every way that mattered, even when she was with friends.

"So this is how it's going to be, huh?" Erin looked between the two guys, "We gonna sit like this and be all awkward?"

She got no response other than both of them turning their eyes away from her.

"Well fuck that!" Her rough voice had them staring at her in surprise. She'd leant forward, her anger evident as she looked between them, elbows resting on her knees.

"You guys hate me. I understand why, but you have to understand that I didn't want to hurt anybody. I wanted to tell you guys SO much, but how can you tell someone that you're from a different world?" She raised both eyebrows questioningly. "I was hoping to some how find a way to break it to you guys soon. You know, in a way that wouldn't have you locking me up in a cell with _Logan_. The no talking thing I explained earlier- it was for my protection. As for the… as for the killer in me," her voice cut off and it was Erin's turn to look away. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, determined to get things right between them. "As for this _thing _in me, well, I never knew it was there."

She looked up when both Dalton and Sketchy sat back down, a show of trust. They sat in silence for a moment.

"Promise you'll trust us next time?" Dalton looked confused for a moment, "I'm still new at this friendship stuff but I think trust needs to be shared."

Erin blinked.

Sketchy was nodding "Got that right! We may not be girls who have all that girly- type bond you women seem to have, but we're here. And we're your friends."

A slow smile spread itself across Erin's face, "You are?"

"We are," agreed Dalton, "but no more hiding. Deal?"

Both he and Sketchy held out their fists.

"Deal," Erin bumped her fists with them, feeling as if a weight had been lifted from her shoulders, if only a small one.

Her smile faded as she looked between them as they looked at her, "What?"

"It's so weird to hear you talk," Dalton shrugged, "You don't sound like I'd thought you'd sound." Sketchy was nodding in agreement.

"And how did you think I'd sound? Posh?" Erin felt a smirk creeping across her face as she leant back again slowly, her muscles loosening up only a fraction.

"I don't know," Dalton shrugged, "I guess."

"Can you imagine me with a posh accent calling everyone dude all the time?" she snorted in reply, "I think not. And contrary to a lot of peoples opinions, British people do swear, do use the word dude and have lots of different accents. Mine's kinda weird as I was from the South but moved further up North later so I kinda have a bit of both in me."

"Huh," was the only reply she got from Sketchy as Dalton listened to her with a look of interest in his face.

"Moving on," Erin looked around her, seeing if she could see anyone else on the upper level, "What happened after I passed out? Where is everyone?"

"Logan's been locked up in one of the freezers. They're now being officially used as cells." Dalton grinned.

"Why? What did the Ferret do now?" Erin frowned slightly, wondering what trouble he'd been causing the transgenics. Hoping it wasn't anything serious.

"When you started to change back he took off your shades to see your eyes. He thinks you're going to kill us all in our beds," Sketchy's smile disappeared as Erin became even paler.

She swallowed, "Is that what everyone thinks? That I'm going to kill you all?"

"No, at least, no one you know," Just then, Sketchy realized just how fragile Erin was at that moment. She'd jumped off the Needle when she'd felt betrayed by everyone. She'd told Max to give the order to shoot her. The typical confident girl he'd become close friends with was nowhere to be seen and in her place was someone very afraid of what everyone thought about her, afraid of her own self. "Krit, Zane and Mole stood up for you- both Krit and Zane got physical about it and Mole had Logan locked up while he was unconscious." He watched the colour return to her face slightly as he mentioned the transgenics names.

"Really?" Erin sat back again, "How'd Max take that?"

"Don't know if she's been told yet, she was unconscious too." Immediately, Sketchy winced as he realized what effect his words would have. And he wasn't wrong.

Erin stood up abruptly, her eyes widening, her mouth opening and closing a few times before she managed to get the words out. "I hurt Max?"

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

When Max woke up, she was warm and in no mood to move. Hazily, she wondered why she was asleep. She only needed a couple of hours a night and, unlike her feline relatives, she didn't enjoy staying in bed all day- unless she was in heat of course. Wrinkling her nose, she pushed back the fog in her brain, her enhanced senses forcing the cotton wool like feeling away, taking in her current condition much slower than usual. She was in a bed, a very nice warm bed. Her body. She frowned and shifted slightly. Her body hurt. Though right at that moment, she couldn't remember why.

At that moment, she just couldn't seem to care, too tired to think too much, she snuggled into her nice smelling warm pillow. The pillow shifted. Pillows did not move. Come to think of it, it had been rising up and down steadily since she'd woken up, which was… weird. And the smell…it smelt familiar- like… like safety and… and home. Leather and big cat, gun oil and male. Max forced her eyes to open. She blinked a couple of times. In front of her was an arm. It was a very nice arm actually- muscled and tanned the way she liked them. Max shifted slightly, unable to stop herself from snuggling further into the warm chest beneath her ear. She blinked again. She was laying on top of someone. She was laying on top of someone MALE. An arm on her other side moved and wrapped itself around her waist, a large hand spread out across her stomach. Her _bare_ stomach.

Her heart beating rapidly in her chest, Max slowly shifted her head and looked up into the sleeping face of her human pillow. Zack.

"Shit!" Max sat bolt upright and promptly fell off the side of the bed in a tangled heap of blankets.

Swearing loudly and trying to untangle herself from the blankets, Max froze when she heard a soft chuckling above her.

"Graceful Maxie, real graceful." Zack peered over the edge of the bed with a huge grin on his face as he took in her state. Was she actually blushing? His grin grew even more.

"Shut the hell up!" Ah, his Maxie was always the eloquent one.

They were in one of the smaller rooms off the main corridor that led to the infirmary and Jondy had had a lot of work done to the place. It was one of the things that had first been done when Max and Alec had taken over TC, and Jondy had improved on it. There were several of these rooms, including a much larger room that acted as a ward, an office for Jondy, an office for her SIC, an operating theatre (they had yet to equip it with anything other than the basics), and what everyone had dubbed as 'The Baby Room' where several pregnant females had already given birth successfully, thanks to Jondy's help.

"Now is that the way to treat someone who had to carry you all the way here from the bar?"

"The bar is what? 4, 5 blocks away? So sorry, did it damage you in any way? I know how fragile you must be feeling in your old age," Max growled as she managed to get untangled from the sheets and stand up.

"Yeah, well, you aren't as light as you look," Zack shot back as he reclined on the bed with his arms folded behind his head.

Max simply growled under her breath as she took in her appearance. She wasn't naked. Good. Very good. She was wearing a white strappy tank top that had obviously ridden up to show her stomach at one point, and a pair of blue boxer shorts.

"How long have I been out?" She looked up to see Zack watching her with a small smile on his face. She cursed the stupid jittery feeling in her stomach and turned away, looking her self over for any injuries. Despite the ones she was still recovering from thanks to White, there was nothing new- not even a headache. Though, as she thought back to what happened, she'd most definitely rather have a headache than those images and feelings that she still felt as her enhanced memory helpfully replayed them again.

"Seven hours," Zack continued to watch her.

Max's head shot up as her eyes widened, "Shit!"

Zack sat up abruptly as she began to move around, grabbing her clothes from a chair.

"What? What's the panic?" he frowned as she slipped on a black t-shirt over the tank top before grabbing her jeans.

"Do you have any idea how much work I'll have after seven hours? How much will have piled up? I was behind as it was! And then there's Erin!" Max stopped abruptly and spun to face him. "What about Erin? How is she? Is she okay? Is she hurt? Where is she?"

"Calm down," Zack gently took hold of her arm and guided her down onto the bed again while he sat up more, swinging his feet to the floor. "Erin stopped shaking as soon as we got you two pried apart. Alec took her back to their room and has had someone watching over her ever since. I'm sure if anything had changed, we'd know about it." Zack stared into her worried eyes and smiled gently, brushing a piece of her hair behind her ear, "And as for your work- I'm sure if Alec hasn't dealt with it then it'll be fine there until you get better."

He held up a hand when Max opened her mouth, "And you're NOT doing any work until I decide you are, understood?" He put on the CO face that Max had been used to back when they were kids. It meant that no matter what, she wouldn't get her own way, even if it meant tying her down to the bed.

Max flushed at the thought of the blonde transgenic doing such a thing and her thoughts rapidly went downhill from there. "I, uh," she cleared her throat as her voice decided to betray her, "I was wondering…" Max's brain kicked in again and her attitude returned, "What the hell are you doing in my bed? And how the hell did I end up on top of you?"

Zack smirked as he looked into her eyes and Max realized how close they were sitting. His thigh rested against hers, his arm and shoulder brushing hers. Max felt her brain become fuzzy again as she stared into his eyes. Crap! She looked away and ended up noticing her jeans still in her hands. She stood up and went about sliding them slowly on, gritting her teeth when her injuries reminded her of their presence.

"Do you need any help?" Was Zack's voice deeper than usual?

The pain helped Max to concentrate, "Don't avoid the question."

"_Well_," Zack drew out the word as he stretched, "I was tired. Jondy wanted me to go get some sleep but there was no way in hell I was leaving you so I simply decided that I might as well share the bed."

Max blinked, "Uhuh. And how did I end up on top of you?"

"Ah, now that's your fault," Zack grinned triumphantly at her, "You obviously liked sleeping with me 'cos the next thing I know, you're curled up on my chest. Not that I'm complaining" He smirked as Max felt her face begin to turn red from embarrassment.

"It was obviously some part of my feline DNA," Max continued to feel her face burn deep red, "or maybe it's some kind of pack instinct- ya know, when we're injured."

Zack just continued to look at her and Max found herself becoming more and more flustered. "Stop looking at me like that!"

Zack ignored her, watching as she began to fidget under his stare.

"Stop it!" Zack simply smiled as the leader of Terminal City watched him like she was cornered.

"Hey," Alec stood in the doorway, looking like he'd rather be elsewhere than interrupting what could only be described as obvious flirting.

"What's wrong?" Max on the other hand was entirely grateful, moving quickly over to the doorway. A strange contrast to when they first knew each other, though it may be, but Max had softened up a lot in favour of the other transgenic.

"I need to talk to you," Alec looked over her shoulder to look at Zack, "Alone."

Understanding what it was about, Zack stood up and left, heading out into the corridor and moving around the corner. He wouldn't eavesdrop on their conversation. He knew that some things between Max and Alec would always remain simply between them. They were friends and friends tended to discuss things that others had no part of. Especially if they were going to discuss one of their respective others.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Alec stepped into the room and closed the door softly behind him, not meeting Max's eyes as he walked straight over to the window opposite the door.

"Alec?" Max asked quietly, not sure how to approach him as he stared mutely out at the window at the barely occupied street outside.

Alec simply nodded in response, folding his arms across his chest and leaning against the wall as he continued to look out the window.

"Are you alright?" Max continued to keep her voice level and calm. There was something dangerous about Alec right then, something that just screamed to her that he was more than ready to lash out. Slowly, Max sank back down on the bed, holding her ribs as they protested painfully.

"You know me, Maxie, I'm always alright." The resentment in Alec's voice was loud and clear as he pushed away from the wall and started to pace at the end of her bed, looking at the floor.

"That's bull and you know it," Max bit out now, the pain and tiredness not wanting her to be calm at that moment. Her knowledge of her friend allowed her leeway. He wouldn't hurt her, yell at her maybe, but never physically hurt her. She could be just as dangerous as him if she wanted to. "Stop pacing you're making me dizzy," Max ordered, knowing that her voluntarily revealing anything wrong with her would make him pause. She didn't like telling people about her injuries whenever they occurred and he knew it.

With a sound that sounded suspiciously like a growl, Alec threw himself into the chair beside her bed, "I think I'm following in brother Ben's footsteps." Even his voice was harsh with anger, "I'm going insane."

Max settled back into her pillows and hid a smile as Alec was suddenly there adjusting them for her to get her comfortable. "No, you're not."

"Prove it," Alec ordered after he'd threw himself back into the chair.

Max held up her hand and began to count off her fingers, "You're not performing amateur dental surgery. You're not hunting and killing people. You're not spray painting 'mission', 'duty' and 'discipline' on the walls and you're not obsessing over the Blue Lady."

Alec quirked an eyebrow at her, "I still feel like I should kill someone."

"I'm guessing you're angry at yourself more than Erin," Max forced herself to say the girl's name despite knowing it would hurt him.

Alec flinched and ground out, "I feel betrayed." Neither he nor Max, nor anyone in Terminal City really liked to discuss their feelings and this was a new thing for them.

"We all do," Max shrugged and hissed in pain at the movement. "I'm sure she does too." Alec frowned but she continued, "She held things back because she felt she had to. And we, well, the others all treated her like the enemy after she fought for us."

"And then she…" Alec swallowed and suddenly the anger left him and his shoulders slumped. His head bowed and Max wondered if he was holding back tears.

"I know," Max replied softly, "I sent Mole and Zack to stop her- I saw it in a dream. I guess I was too late." Not it was Max's time to swallow as she looked down at her hands.

"You couldn't help that," a large tanned hand took hold of one of hers and gripped it tightly, "I don't think any of us could help that."

Max looked up into his steady eyes and knew her own were filled with tears. "We all knew there was something different about her. I guess now we know what it is."

Alec chuckled dryly and let go of her hand, "I get the feeling there's more to come."

"Oh, I know there is." Max swallowed again and blinked back her tears, "When I touched her that last time…"

Alec stood up again to look out the window once more, his shoulders once again tense. "What did you see?"

"It was…confusing," Max forced her eyes to remain on him as she remembered, "There was blood." Her voice cracked, "So much blood. And pain, God, the pain was like what they put us through. Legs breaking, screaming. And some," Max shook her head, trying to get rid of the sounds and images replaying, "some horrible laughter. Children's voices. Darkness. Broken fingers and ribs." Max began to shake as she remembered perfectly. "So young," she whispered, "So young… there was talking, they were taunting her and beating her, kicking her, cutting into her and they wouldn't stop." In his reflection in the window, Alec's face had melted into his soldier's mask but she could tell he was angry. So angry. But she continued, "She was protecting someone, I'm sure of that, a, a boy I think. And there were gunshots."

Max stopped and realized that she was silently crying, "It was real, wasn't it?"

Alec didn't answer, just turned to face her slowly, carefully, "What you saw, you can't repeat to anyone."

Max was confused, "But-" She didn't get to finish.

"Don't tell the others about what you saw, Max," Alec waited for her to nod, "Erin wouldn't appreciate them knowing what she went through."

"Alec, why am I seeing these things?" She wiped the tears from her cheeks and sniffed.

"I don't know," he sighed and made his way to the door, "I don't know." And then he was gone.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Max was going to be okay. That was good. Zack leant back against the wall near the exit to the infirmary. Her ribs were already mending. The black eye was almost gone. An Ordinary would probably be in a really bad condition with what she'd gone through. If there was one thing that Zack had ever been grateful for, it was enhanced healing. The only decent thing that Manticore had done right. His Maxie was going to be okay. He allowed himself a relieved smile. The fire was still there going strong in her eyes. They hadn't broken her. No one could ever break her. She was the strongest of them all. He knew that, and he loved her for it.

He'd make his move soon, when she was 100 again. He had to make her his before another thing happened. He had to _know _she was his and no one else's. Yes, he'd make his move soon, when the moment was right.

The smile slid from his face. But there was something else he had to do first. He had to make things right with Erin. Max wouldn't stop until everything was alright with her, and neither would he.

Zack knew that Erin was in a bad place right now. Every transgenic ever created had been to that bad place several times before. Not knowing whether they were good or evil. Not knowing if what they had done was right. But they had had Manticore to tell them it was right. They had had brainwashing to tell them it was right. In a way they'd been lucky- Manticore could and had made them no longer care. They had orders to complete and so long as they carried them out, they were doing what they were made to do. They were doing what their commanding officers were wanting them to do. That was all there was to it. That was all their lives were about- following orders. But Erin…

Erin was human- had always been human. She had family and friends and she'd lived on the outside her whole life. She wasn't created to follow orders. She was born normal, or at least that's what most believed. Only now… now, Erin wasn't human- or didn't appear to be. She had abilities that they'd never seen. She'd killed, she'd hunted. She'd faced people she'd thought of as friends and had them turn their backs on her. She'd tried to end her life. Zack closed his eyes at that. He'd seen a lot of things in his life. He'd seen death, he'd seen anger, betrayal, love, despair. But the look on Ewok's face… She'd already tried to end her life before they'd even got there. Zack felt his stomach drop as he thought about what he'd seen, what he'd witnessed back at the space needle would haunt him as much as any Manticore inflicted nightmare. Erin had simply given up. He'd been too late and if it weren't for the very changes that they'd turned their backs on her, well, she'd be dead. She'd be so very dead. Zack gritted his teeth and opened his eyes, hearing Alec leave Max's room, he straightened and wiped his face of any emotion. If it hit him this bad, he could barely imagine what Alec was going through.

Alec walked passed him, nodding his head once before pushing open the door and leaving Zack alone in the corridor with his thoughts. Erin wouldn't be alone. She'd saved them all. She may have gone about everything in the wrong way but she'd still protected them, fought for them, killed for them. She was one of them as far as he was concerned. And no matter what, so long as he was around, Erin wouldn't be alone like that ever again.

Moving down the corridor to Max's room, Zack knew that Max had been right about Erin. His Maxie had made the right decision by bringing her back and trusting her. He just _knew _that Erin wouldn't turn on them. Now, all he had to do was convince the others of her innocence.

He heard the door open behind him and he turned to see his family enter, all wearing smiles and happy faces. Their sister was awake and okay. Now, all he had to do was make sure his other one was fine too. Zack smiled a distracted smile at them in greeting as he continued on his way to Max's room.

And as Zack sat there beside Max's bed surrounded by his family with their feelings of relief, comfort, happiness and love, he wondered how Erin was and if she were surrounded by some of her other friends.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

Up on the roof of the garage, Erin looked up at the space needle as she sat on the wall… alone.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

He was in the apartment that Erin had a habit of visiting. He was torturing himself by being here but he couldn't help himself. When he wasn't thinking about TC, she was all he could think about- like an addiction. Yet this addiction was killing him inside. She no longer made him feel good- only angry, frustrated, confused and desperate.

She had lied to him, lied to all of them. All this time, when they were sleeping together, talking to each other, she was lying to _him_. She could talk. That was one of the things that hurt the most. How he'd longed to hear her voice- fantasized what it would sound like calling his name in the dark. He'd yearned to hear her laugh loud and clear to match her sweet smile. And she'd kept it from him. He'd unconsciously given her more of himself than he'd given anyone and she'd kept such a large part of herself hidden from him. She'd betrayed him. Alec paced the room like a caged animal. Someone had taken the time to clear the rubble and mess away so he forced himself to hold his fists at his sides instead of lashing out at the walls and creating more mess.

Oh, he knew that she didn't know about her changes, didn't know that she'd turn into a killing machine- because that was exactly what she was- a killer, or a vessel for one. He understood that. Hell, he understood her reasoning for not telling them she could speak. But it still hurt. It still felt like she'd cut into him with a knife and he hated it.

And the fact that she was from a different world? Well, he couldn't allow himself to think on that right now. He definitely understood why she didn't tell them about that. Hell, even now he was finding it difficult to even consider it the truth so he pushed that to the side. But the big thing- the thing that hurt and filled him with such anger the most was the way she was when she came back. Her words, her actions, the way she looked had seared itself into his brain.

"_Max, will you listen to yourself? We're surrounded by over 100 transgenics who are just itching to shoot me, and you're asking me not to kill myself. C'mon, give them the order- it'll save us all some time." _

Her voice when she had said that had caused a shiver to run down his spine. She had given up. Erin _never _gave up. But there she was, dripping water from her clothes, hair and fingertips, looking small yet oh so dangerous. Oh so unpredictable. She was a predator in a woman's skin, there was no mistaking that now. In this state to call her a girl would be stupid. It was obvious the way that her clothes clung to her body, drawing attention to the curves she tended to keep hidden. The curves that Alec knew like the back of his hand. Even then, seeing her like that had made the animal part of his stir. He knew that many of the other males there at that moment probably felt the same thing. That same dangerous attraction to the gorgeous predator in their midst. Erin was no longer hiding behind the mask of youth that she'd crafted for herself. She was no longer being the innocent Ordinary dragged into their world. But as quickly as he'd registered the stir of arousal, he'd focused on what she was saying, on what Zack and Mole had said. She'd tried to kill herself by jumping off of the space needle. He remembered the flash of movement he'd seen before when he was standing on the roof in the rain. His stomach clenched so tight he felt sick. He'd witnessed Erin jump without even realising it. She'd tried to KILL herself she was that far gone. She wanted to die. God, she wanted to die. At that moment in time, he'd had to fight everything inside of himself from growling and lashing out. He'd had to fight with his own instincts- one was telling him to go hunt down White in his cell and beat him until he begged for mercy. Another part of him wanted to yell at Erin "How dare you try to leave this world! How dare you try to leave _me_!" While the other part of him wanted to grab her and hold her tight, never letting her go, never letting her be alone again.

Instead, he'd remained silent, all of his training as a soldier needed to keep his face blank and his grip from breaking the bottle in his grasp. He didn't think anyone noticed when Josh had reached across and gently prised his grasp away from the cracking glass in his other hand.

Alec paused in his pacing, realizing that he'd put his fist through the wall. Damnit! This was what she did to him! She made him lose over 20 years of self control without even being in the room! Alec looked down at his hand and slowly removed it from the hole he'd created. There were other holes in the thin walls of this room. Some obviously made by kicking, some by fists. Erin had made them, he knew it was her. Her scent was still so strong here. He understood. This was her safe haven from everyone, from everything. This place was where she'd let her feelings out on the only object she could- the walls. Alec looked down at his bleeding knuckles, not really feeling the pain. How she made him feel! How she made him bleed! And God save him, he didn't want it to stop! And she wanted to leave. She wanted to die.

That very thought caused him to lash out again, his instincts reacting before his brain caught up and he was once again staring at his fist buried in the wall.

He began to pace again, faster this time, as his blood dripped from his knuckles, creating dark spots on the floor. He didn't notice. Didn't care. His mate, he knew that was what she was, he admitted that his more animalistic nature would consider her nothing else- his _mate_ wanted to die. To die would be to leave him alone in this world again. To die would mean to revert back to what he was, to once more become nothing but the soldier he'd tried so hard to repress. For her to die would be for him to die too and he didn't want to admit that. He didn't want to admit how much she really meant to him. He couldn't handle that. He couldn't handle her leaving him right now, even if at the same time, he couldn't allow himself to be with her.

When he'd taken her back to their room and stripped her down to her underwear he had sat and stared at her solidly for several minutes, not allowing himself to touch her like he wanted to. Not allowing himself to pick her up and hold her to him. Not allowing himself to kiss her lips just to make sure that she was real, that she still drew breath. That she was alive and that she hadn't died out there in the rain. Instead, he'd dragged in a ragged breath and forced his hands to work efficiently, impersonally as he pulled the t-shirt he'd given her over her head before giving her one last look and leaving her for Sketchy and Dalton to watch over.

No, she had to stay. She had to live. She'd become such a part of his life in only a few months that he didn't want to think about what life would be like without her. He suddenly felt cold as he tried to imagine her gone. The image of her broken body beneath the space needle made his breathe whoosh out like he'd been hit in the stomach and a loud howl echoed around the room. It was only when he paused did he realise that that sound had come from him.

Why did she have to do this! Alec found himself with his back against the wall, his legs giving way as he slid down. Why did she have to get beneath his skin! Why did he have to let her!

As he knelt there, amongst the rubble and the blood his fists had wrought, his head back against the wall, he allowed himself to seethe. And to cry.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

_**A/N: Aww, poor Alec still not wanting to admit how much he cares about her. Men! Things are going to start focusing on outside TC soon and the Breeding Cult are going to come back into play. Sooo, tension all around then. Fun. Heh.**_

_**angelofdarkness78: Yep, Rugrats and Simpsons. I have REALLY weird dreams and they never make any sense whatsoever. Anyway, he's a little bit of M/Z for ya, and things are gonna start to speed up with them a bit more now.**_

_**ACharmedJedi: Soooo, you liked it then? Hehe. Logan's character bugs me- even when I'm writing him. I keep trying to think of serious things to include him in but he always ends up getting yelled at. I mean, in the series, he was all smart and serious. I can't write that no matter how much I try. I just can't. I'm even having problems just including him in the fic at all. Stupid ferret. Tension with Erin and Alec is going to continue for a while and even though she's made up with some people and everyone knows her reasoning for things, there's still going to be tension.**_


	7. Doesn't Matter

_**A/N: I am REALLY sorry guys! This chapter has taken me ages to get posted! I'm blaming it on real life- new flat, graduation, lack of net etc. The last few months my imagination has decided to take a break with no sign of coming back. But have no fear! I'm gonna finish this fic, even if it finally gets finished when I'm 80!**_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

**Chapter 6: Doesn't Matter**

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

_**Max: I appreciate this.**_

_**Alec: Yeah, no worries. Anything for a friend, or a clone of a friend.**_

_**-Max and Alec (She Ain't Heavy)**_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

'**_Stranger than your sympathy_**

_**I take these things so I don't feel**_

_**I'm killing myself from the inside out**_

_**Now my head's been filled with doubt'**_

_**-The Goo Goo Dolls (Sympathy)**_

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

"_So… here I am, back in Terminal City. I no longer seem to be killer Erin, which is cool. Doesn't stop me from wanting to lock myself up somewhere though- preferably one of those nice padded rooms, soundproofed, so I can just scream and scream until I stop feeling like I'm going to snap and shatter into lots of little sharp pieces. Stupid transgenic hearing. I can't talk to myself without one of them hearing, I can't sign to myself without one of them reading my hands and I certainly can't think to myself. If I think any bloody harder my head will probably explode so let's not go there. No. What I have to do is pretend it never happened. That's the only thing that'll save my sanity. What's left of it. Ending up in this place kinda puts it all in question anyway. Problem. My tried and tested techniques don't seem to want to work here. Ya see, back home, I went through 3 stages. Stage 1 was shutting down. Not talking, not communicating, just functioning on the very basic levels- eat, breathe, sleep. Here, I can't be on my own for long. I find myself followed by either one of the '09ers or Dalton and Sketchy. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if the rest of TC had started putting soldiers on my tail to make sure I didn't do anything. And I seriously doubt that those guys are worried I'll kill myself. Which brings me on to stage 2. Stage 2 got me into a lot of problems back home. They locked me up for it for a while. It was between stages 1 and 2 that I'd taught myself sign language. I hadn't been ready to talk back then- the very sound of my voice just brought back flashes of screaming… Anyway, back to stage 2. Stage 2 was pain. Lots of it. Self inflicted injuries. They couldn't let me near knives of any kind. In the beginning they'd made sure to give me plastic cutlery to eat with as they figured that seeing a steel knife would make me freak and think of the scalpels that'd been used on me. But plastic can hurt just as much. Especially if a plastic knife has a slightly serrated edge. Run along the soft skin of a wrist repeatedly- hurts. And if it has enough pressure, well, you get the picture. After that, at dinner times I had to be watched as I ate the food and took the meds. But that didn't stop me. I wanted pain. I shouldn't have survived, shouldn't live while they had… I'm not going there right now. Not now when I'm like this. Anyway, I'd punch walls when the docs weren't with me. Punched walls until my blood covered the paint and my knuckles had split. Punched walls until my hands had to be fixed and bandaged. Punched walls until I couldn't use my hands. After one time in a room with an unguarded window they knew to put me in one that had protective covering on it. Not after the last mess I'd made. So, that's stage 2 and I can't do that here. Not when I'm under almost constant watch. Not when I don't want to set the beast free again. So, the safest route I can take is stage 3. Pretend like I'm fine. Pretend that it didn't happen. Put a calm happy face on, block it all out. But I can't do that here. Not only can I always feel Her, the beast under the surface, but two people in particular won't let me act like nothing's wrong. Zack is one of the people I have to watch out for. He's the one who ends up with me the most, always there with his stupid understanding looks and words of safety and comfort. Always there making sure that I get something to eat every day, that I can't close myself off completely. It's like he knows that I'm trying to shut myself up again. He had been saying he missed looking out for the family he'd helped escape. It's like I'm his new bloody project. And then there's Mole. Mole keeps watching me like a hawk when he can. If he's in the same room as me, I can feel him watching- giving me looks that I think mean that he's worried. Bit difficult to tell with the lizard face and all. I think he and Zack are the ones that keep covering me with a blanket every time I fall asleep on the couch at night. But I don't want to feel warm. I want to feel cold, all the way through. The beast doesn't like the cold. She likes the warmth of the fire. When I stare into it at night I can feel her contentment and I have flashes of the desert as I stare into the flames. The heat is what she likes. She's not pushing like that first night. Not trying to control me. Instead, I can feel her watching everything, assessing. Some days it feels like I'm just me again, no one else in my head. And then something will happen to remind me that it wasn't a nightmare. Like yesterday, I was walking down the street with Dalton by my side- skateboard in hand when there was a sudden loud noise. We weren't far from the fence- like two blocks away. It was strange that. Living in here, dealing with all this shit and I keep forgetting that we are in a cage of sorts, that we're trapped. The noise had been a shotgun blast- at least that was what we'd been told later. An idiot in the ever present crowd had tried to take a shot at a sentry. They missed of course but that's not the point. No, what happened was when it had gone off, my body had reacted instantly. Back when I was a kid, when I'd heard a loud noise that sounded even barely like a gunshot, I'd instinctively ran and cowered in a corner but not now. Oh no. This time I'd instantly ducked my head like some kind of animal about to pounce and I'd taken a fighting stance, my teeth bared in a silent growl. The beast was awake and alert, pushing suddenly as my heart pounded, wanting to take control and hunt the threat down. It was only when Dalton had said my name worriedly that I'd looked at him by my side. He'd backed away from me, his eyes wide as he stared. He'd repeated my name and asked if I was alright as I'd began to start thinking again. It was then that I freaked, told him I was fine and skated off. For once, Dalton had let me be, though it wasn't long before Zack had found me sat on the curb several streets away. I think it's safe to say that Zack's adopted me- or tried to. Guess I've given him an excuse to play Big Brother again. Adopted family or not, I'll be damned that I still don't hate my life right now."_

Max found her in an alleyway, sitting cross-legged against a wall in the shadows with her eyes closed. The cracked concrete was still damp from the rain the day before but she didn't seem to mind. Instead, she just sat there silently, as still as she ever got. Beside her, propped against the wall was her skateboard and in her lap was what looked like a hardback notebook with a dark red cover, worn at the edges and spine. She was wearing a pair of baggy jeans, a pale blue t-shirt, her ever present sneakers and what looked like a navy hoody wrapped around her waist. It was at times like this that Erin looked like the teenager she pretended to be- her face looked younger, more relaxed. But then, Erin opened her eyes and the illusion disappeared. She stared at the brick wall before her for a moment before she turned to look at Max.

"What's up?" She gave Max a slightly bitter smirk, "Run out of guards?"

Max immediately knew what Erin was talking about- after much debate, they'd all decided to give Erin a discreet guard. If it wasn't one of the core group who could accompany her, then it was one of the few they'd handpicked for the assignment.

Max approached her with an apologetic smile before stopping in front of Erin and holding out her hand. "They're for your protection."

Erin snorted and grabbed Max's hand, allowing the transgenic to pull her to her feet before she grabbed her board and placed the small notebook in one of the large pockets of her jeans. "They're for the others' protection in case I go all killer on you again."

Max shrugged and gave her a smirk of her own, "That too." She began to walk slowly back out of the alley- her injuries still hurting her but only her speed letting it show.

Erin followed the darkly clad X5 as she made her way out onto the street. "So, to what do I owe the pleasure of your company?"

Max caught herself before she shrugged and looked at Erin from beneath her own dark hair, "I thought we could hang out some. We haven't done it for awhile."

"You're the leader of TC- it's to be expected." Erin raised an eyebrow, "So what is it? Is this where we have a heart-to-heart and discuss the problems in both our lives? Or is this where we get drunk?"

"How about we just have a couple of beers and see where it goes from there?"

It was only then that Erin realized Max was leading her towards the bar. Erin paused for a second, debating on whether she should end her friendship with Max for certain by telling her to shove her touchy feely talk stuff. Then she remembered what she knew about Max. Max hardly ever did the emotional stuff- hardly ever pried into things she shouldn't really care about. If Max could hold out an olive branch then the smart thing would be to grab it with both hands- Max was the only one barring Zack and Mole who seemed to be up to giving her a chance and seeing where this shit ended up. Maybe she should give Max a real chance too?

"You're not gonna get all shrink on me are you?" Erin asked when Max turned to look back at her, eyebrow raised.

Max's reply was a snort and to carry on walking, "What the hell _d'you_ think?"

Erin allowed herself to smirk back, "Good point."

They made their way to the bar in silence.

As usual, the warehouse was averagely full- once jobs were finished, soldiers of all ages made their way to the warehouse whether to drink and/or play depending on age, this place was most definitely a hit.

When they entered the site of Erin's interrogation, silence fell for a moment, the music in the background the only thing to be heard- some pre-pulse tune with a guy singing about looking at photographs or something. Erin found it vaguely familiar. As she looked around her, her eyes took in the looks directed her way before noise started up again at Max's glare. A fair few were weary, some were openly hostile but a tiny percentage, a transgenic here and there gave her a quick smile. Despite that, Erin still felt her heart drop. Too many glares. Too much fear. Of course they wouldn't like her being here. They didn't openly trust her anyway and now that she'd fallen out with the leaders… Erin turned to leave but Max's sudden strong grip on her arm stopped her. She looked up at Max and was greeted by a reassuring smile.

"You go grab us a table" Max nodded at the bar, "I'll get us a couple of beers."

Despite herself, Erin felt her feet obeying and carrying her over to an empty table in a corner. It wasn't for privacy- transgenic hearing ruined any chance of a private conversation if they truly wanted to listen, it was because Erin didn't feel like having her back to a room full of highly trained soldiers who felt betrayed by her decision.

Erin propped her chair back on it's back legs, the back of the chair resting against the wall as she surveyed the room. They weren't watching her but they were aware. If it wasn't for this new thing inside of her, she wouldn't have noticed the way they kept their fronts or sides facing her more often than not. She wouldn't have noticed that sometimes, their eyes flicked over to her, their shoulders slightly tensed, ready for action. But this thing WAS inside of her and she _was _aware and she knew in some part of her that something was dying with this awareness. Yet another part of her was closing itself out simply because another part of her appeared to have woken up- a part she didn't want to exist and never wanted to begin with.

Just then, Max appeared at the table, hooking a chair next opposite her with a foot as she placed her two beer bottles on the scarred tabletop before slumping down into the chair in a way that, with anyone Ordinary would've been sloppy, but she made the movement graceful.

Erin watched the X5 as they both picked up their beers- Erin rolling the bottle between her palms as Max took a single swig of hers, turned to look at the room and cleared her throat. "Did I ASK you to eavesdrop on my girlfriend time?" She raised an eyebrow in that haughty way of hers as a few of the soldiers had the grace to look a bit sheepish. "Jeez! She's not gonna launch herself across the table and beat me to death with her beer!" There were a few mutters, probably saying that she could possibly do exactly that. Erin couldn't help a small smirk at that before Max yelled out loudly "Mind your own!" before turning back to Erin and grinning. "Why were we hear again?"

"Did you mean that?" Erin had to ask as she watched most- but not all, of the soldiers go back to whatever it was they were doing before they entered. "You still consider me a friend?"

Max sighed exasperatedly and rolled her eyes, "If I didn't mean it, I wouldn't keep saying it. Sure, you're a bit weird in your Britishness and all, and you have this sometimes weird sense of humour, but hey, I was raised in a lab- can't really throw stones or whatever." Max took another swig of her beer, "Each to their own I guess, and you're one of us, whether you had your own test-tube or not."

Erin took that in with a nod, not really believing her, but not wanting to argue the point either. She'd never feel like one of them. She knew that now- the changes within her just emphasising how very different she was from them. From a whole different world- couldn't get much different than that could she?

"So…" She took another drink, her eyes on the transgenic before her, "What was it you wanted to talk about?"

She still felt so very tired. Her life seriously sucked right now, and she couldn't see it really improving unless she suddenly found a way back home.

"I want you to tell me what's on your mind, Erin." Max grimaced at the way she sounded, "I mean, I want you to tell me what it is that's had you brooding more than usual. Didn't ya know that that's my gig?"

"Ah, you don't' wanna listen to my inner musings, Max. It'll get you all depressed and no one needs the leader of TC to be thinking about anything other than the running of the city." Erin leant her head back against the wall as she started to pick at the label on her bottle with her thumbnail.

"Erin" Max gave her an insulted look, "I'm a genetically enhanced super solider with a higher IQ than the average Norm and no junk DNA. Plus, I'm a woman. Don't you think I can multitask?"

Erin paused. She did have a point. "You want to know what I've been thinking about?" Her chair legs hit the floor with a thud, "I shouldn't be here. I shouldn't be in this world, in Seattle, in Terminal City. Hell, I should've even be in this time! While I _have_ been here, I've been beaten up and I've turned into a killer, I've killed over 20 people gleefully, lied to the people I consider my friends, and I've fallen out with my boyfriend. I've tried to commit suicide, the world's been told I'm a transgenic, and oh yeah, I STILL don't know why I'm here or how I can get back."

Erin stared at Max, her blue eye challenging her to say something that'd help or make it seem worse. Either one would be difficult to do given the situation. "No matter what I do, things get worse."

"But you're not alone," Max said quietly, not taking her eyes from Erin's as she swallowed, "And while you're in this world, I swear to you-" Max reached forward and took the hand that wasn't holding onto the bottle of beer. "I _swear_" Max repeated vehemently, "you will _never_ be alone."

"It doesn't matter- things are just getting more complicated. All I have is questions that never seem to be answered and I have no clue how I go about sorting this mess out."

Max considered the situation for the hundredth time. "My whole life has been full of questions, Erin. But I figure, no big deelio. That's what life is- a puzzle, and the only time we find out all the answers, is when we leave it." Max thought back to her life after Manticore- moving to Seattle, meeting Logan, searching for her family. And that was all before she'd found out she had some bigger purpose she was designed for- whatever the hell that was. "I'm not a religious person- besides my stint with the Blue Lady, I left the whole belief department to Ben. But there is one thing I do believe in" She forced a smile that came across as sad around the edges. "I believe that it'll all come out in the end. This may not be like in the movies or TV" Max looked down at the scarred tabletop- not seeing Erin open her mouth and quickly shut it again. "But I wouldn't be surprised if this whole thing got revealed in one big moment, where everything makes sense."

Erin looked down at the table, attempting to read the graffiti scratched into it's aged surface before abruptly giving up again. She closed her eyes briefly, and it could've been the light of the room but Max could've sworn her eyes were shinier than usual.

"I.. I just… I just want to go home." Erin looked into the bottom of her bottle, swirling the amber liquid round and watching the light dance with a mind of it's own.

And that was when it happened. It was then that Max just sat back, watching the girl before her and realized how much like them she truly was. Erin was an enigma wrapped up in an enigma. She had so many layers, so many different reactions to things, she was a maze of contradictions. Maybe that was what Alec had found so attractive about her. She was as complex as them, had so much baggage, so many layers that she was a mystery. She was a human chameleon. So many colours, so many faces- it was difficult to decide which was the real one. Max had always thought that Ordinaries were simple. Easy to understand in their ways as she mimicked them, as she hid beneath their cover. But here Erin was, human, well, sort of, yet she was like them too. She had a bad history, had gone through things she shouldn't have gone through, that no one should have gone through. She had trust issues and there were so many things she was trying to understand.

"You're like me in so many ways" Max murmured, looking at Erin in a whole new light yet again, "We're both on the edge, on the outside looking in, trying to comprehend, trying to fit, yet not quite managing it."

Erin looked up at Max, a questioning look in her eyes but she remained silent, waiting for Max to finish her thoughts as she watched the transgenic watching her. Examining her with a whole new light of understanding in her eyes.

"I'm a transgenic, yet I'm an '09er- I'd put a wall up between what I was and what I could pretend to be, now I'm trying to reclaim what I am, I'm trying to understand what it's like to be a transgenic. Yet, here we all are- transgenics, all trying to find a way to fit in the Ordinary world. To fit in with the humans." She looked down at their hands, side by side on the tabletop. Her small tanned hands- the hands of a soldier. And Erin's hands- small, pale- the hands of a fighter, a survivor. So different, yet the same in so may ways.

"And here _you _are- an Ordinary, trying to fit in with us freaks yet at the same time, I can guess you've been trying to fit in to the Ordinary world back home too- after what happened…." She looked up at Erin again, "we're both trying so hard to do what's right."

"Yet some days" Erin gave her a sad smile, "it feels like we're losing sight of who we really are as we try to be who we think we should be."

Max nodded, "Yep, it's like that every damned day."

"And it never seems to get any easier" Erin finished as she took another drink.

Max smirked, "I guess we're both screwed, huh?"

"Don't think that." Zane's voice snapped Alec's head around, his whole body tensing with the action as he leaned on the wall on the roof of the parking garage.

"Think what?" Alec knew his eyes were cold, hard as they stared the soldier down. For his part, Zane didn't flinch, didn't back down as he softly closed the stairwell door behind him, not turning his back, not making any threatening movements either.

"Think that it's your fault Erin said what she said." Zane moved over to the edge of the roof, to the left of Alec, not getting too close. His injuries were pretty much gone now- his black eye had disappeared overnight, his dislocated shoulder had been popped back in though it still ached a bit. The worst thing that was hurt was his pride. The whole time Jondy had been fixing him up, she'd been giving him a lecture about how he still hadn't learnt not to shoot his mouth off. Zack had simply stood in the background, arms folded, glaring. That had been enough. He'd made a mistake and he knew it. Now, he had to repair the damage he'd done.

"She wants to die" Alec turned back around, hands pressed flat to the wall, his shoulders slightly hunched.

"Does she?" Zane too, turned to look out over the city, "maybe at first, maybe when she came back here. But think about it- what would you do in her situation? It's a reaction, Alec. Her head's all fucked up and she doesn't know how to deal with it all."

"Sure she does" Alec glared ahead of him, his jaw clenched, "she wants to die."

"She wants to leave you" Zane replied, forcing himself to remain still as he felt Alec's cold gaze back on him, "That's what you're thinking, right? You're thinking she wants to leave you?" He wondered in the back of his brain if it was the right thing coming to Alec when he was like this. He wondered if the rumours were true about how good Alec was as a solider. He wondered if his eyes held that same cold look whenever he got that angry yet at the same time, he wondered why he didn't care if they did.

"Wanting to die and wanting to leave me are kinda the same thing" Alec's tone was sarcastic yet there was steel there, hidden beneath the surface just like the X5 facade.

"No, they're not." Zane sat down on the wall, his back to the city as he thought about it, thought about the girl he'd thought he knew. He had to get Alec to see what the others were already beginning to see. He had to make things right between them and the only way he knew he could, was to help him understand Erin. "Right now, Erin needs stability- she doesn't have it so she tries to take herself out of the picture. She's alone- or feels it. She's changed, she's killed. She feels she's either a threat or a pawn in this war- maybe both. Her reaction is so glaringly obvious, even an Ordinary would get it." He refrained from pointing out that it took Jondy's lecture to get this through his own thick skull.

"I get that!" Alec protested, straightening up and glaring down at the ground, his jaw gritting and his eyes flashing.

"Do you?" Zane held up his hands when that glare turned back on him, "Just… just think about it from our point of view. Analyse the situation, then think about it from Erin's point of view- emotional, scared. Use all the psychological crap they taught us at Manticore. Just… just think about it alright?"

Zane took a deep breath and looked down at his scuffed boots, "I was wrong about what I said about her, alright? She isn't a traitor." His eyes wandered to Alec, grey eyes met unreadable hazel and he forced himself to continue, "She's just scared and she wants it to end. She wants the control back and right now, the only real control is whether she stays or leaves, whether she lives or dies."

"She hates not being able to control her emotions" Alec's gaze softened a fraction, "She's like one of us- she's got such a grip on how she feels, that when that control slips…"

"Exactly," Zane knew Alec was starting to really listen to him, "She can't help but go to extremes to get even some degree of that control back."

"That's all she's doing, man. She's just trying to make sense of it all."

They were both silent for a long time after that, looking out onto the freak city they'd claimed as their home.

Finally, Alec broke the silence with a sigh as he looked down at the wall, "Why does everything have to end with me being more screwed up than before?"

"Hey" Zane edged closer and chanced a smile, "If it's any consolation, I think it's a transgenic thing. Do you have any idea how long it was before Jondy and I hooked up? _Years_, man, _years_!"

Alec gave him a small smirk in response, "You do realize that, though this means I'm talking to you again, it doesn't mean I still don't think you're a dick."

"Is this the bonding bit over then?"

"Yeah, let's move on from the chick-flick moment and go grab us some beers before I need to get back to running you girls." Alec grabbed Zane's arm and dragged him towards the stairs.

She sat in the dark, again craving isolation and a place for her to simply sit and brood. She'd never truly realized how much that she did that- sit in a corner or some secluded spot and think of how her world had been screwed up _this_ time. So she was pessimistic? It's not like her life was a fairytale. Nah, it was just a fucked up TV show that They hadn't allowed to continue on. Was Max right? Even if the girl didn't know that this place was a TV show, would it end in a similar way? Would all the questions be answered in some neat and direct way? All loose ends tied up, a happy ever after or death and peace? She didn't think so. Erin got the horrible feeling that it'd all end in a horrible bloody mess that would finally push her over the edge if she wasn't nearly there already. Was she insane yet? She had no idea. What did one use to truly self diagnose the symptoms of insanity? Her head was hurting. Stupid brain and it's stupid thought processes. Why couldn't she just sit here and think of nothing? She knew some people back at her college did it. They got this glazed look in their eyes that had been perfected early on as soon as they'd entered secondary school all those years ago at the age of 11. The teachers were either unable to read into the overall blankness in the expressions of over half their pupils each class, or they simply didn't give a shit. The more Erin thought about it, the more she figured it'd be something else- that they saw it, understood it and had simply given up caring after those first few stupidly optimistic months of believing that they could actually make a difference to young and impressionable minds. Ah, the British education system. What a joy that was.

Erin looked down and examined rough hands that used to be covered in ink stains and had held both pen and guitar. Hands that had killed only days ago.

Erin sighed. It always came back to that. She had killed, had extinguished life forces and ended years of life. But, she had to keep reminding herself that they were evil people right? They were going to kill everyone here and they delighted in the torture and death of so many people. Another part of her brain questioned if she'd be asking these questions if they'd killed Max or any of the others, while another part questioned if she'd not killed them, would there have been another way that wouldn't have ended in the blatantly probable death of the transgenic leader? She couldn't think of another way out of the situation. Maybe Max would've made some daring heroic move or sacrificed herself so the others could shoot the Familiars like fish in a barrel. But Max would've still been dead. There was nothing else Erin could think of, nothing she could've done that would've changed the situation any except for knocking everyone out and then where would they be? Would the beast have made her kill her friends? Would she have run out into Seattle and killed some other hapless victim that had nothing to do with war and blood? Erin was smart but she wasn't transgenic smart. So, there she sat- at the same table Max had left her at in the bar a couple of hours ago, craving isolation in both her mind and body. Things were a little quieter there now, though not by much, but that didn't matter to her. She was sat in shadow, a half empty bottle of beer by her left hand, her head back against the wall and only two feet of the chair touching the floor as she leaned back, her eyes closed. Right then and there, the bar didn't exist, and her brain wouldn't let her think of anything but the feel of bones snapping like brittle ice beneath her hands and blood spraying her body like warm phantom rain.

Her brow creased as her brain supplied images, flashes of the fight in the garage that made the Beast purr and the words '_Good kill_' spoke in her head in her own voice but lower, surer, smoother.

Erin jerked upright in her chair, the legs thudding to the floor as she rubbed the bridge of her nose with her thumb. She had a voice now? The Beast could talk? Great, just what she needed. She felt sick and she could tell the Beast was smiling but it remained silent.

Erin slammed back her bottle of beer and chugged what was left of it down quickly.

Her eyes flicked to the door as it opened, and her grip on the bottle tightened as she recognised Alec and Zane as they made their way to the bar. Suddenly the bar wasn't a good place to be. Her eyes travelled over Alec as he made his way to the bar. Booted feet moving silently over the dusty floor, combat style jeans covering long lean legs, a dark grey t-shirt, battered brown leather jacket. Her heart sped up as Alec turned away from the guy behind the bar to lean with his elbows against the scarred surface as he said something to Zane, his lips moving into a small smile.

Her throat hurting and her vision blurry, Erin slammed the empty bottle onto the table and rubbed her eyes as she stood up. She had to get out of there. She couldn't sit in the same room as him and watch as he finally spotted her, giving her that look of disgust and betrayal.

Her head down, Erin moved away from the table and towards the door, walking quickly as her hair shielded her face from the bar.

She knew the instant that Alec spotted her, the feeling of his gaze travelling over her as familiar as breathing and she sucked in oxygen as her lungs decided to freeze before she was out of the door and into the cold damp air of Seattle's Terminal City. God, how could she live like this? Seeing him and knowing he wasn't hers anymore? As she made her way through the streets with no destination in mind, Erin felt her broken heart crack just that little bit more and wondered if heartbreak could kill her where a jump from the space needle couldn't.

…………………………………………………………………………………………….

_**The tune mentioned in the bar scene is Nickelback's 'Photograph'**_

_**A/N: I always seem to be apologising for taking so long to get a chapter finished. I think I can safely say I'm never gonna be as fast as I used to be with updating. My writing style has changed and thanks to that, so has my speed. I sit there at my computer for hours just trying to get a few paragraphs finished. Now, don't get me wrong- I still know exactly where I want to go with this fic, it's just putting it down on paper that's the pain in the arse.**_

_**Kayla McGowan: Thanks! I know what you mean about dealing with suicide. It's incredibly difficult to come to terms with and it's right up there with dealing with serious grief. Hopefully soon, the chapters will begin to get lighter and less depressing.**_

_**Sadi: Thanks Sadi, I'm glad you like it.**_

_**gold stranger: You think this is messed up? Wait for one particular chapter I have planned later on. Definitly dark and angst Alec on the way.**_

_**MoonAngel23: It's not just real life- it's writers block. I know exactly where I want this story to go, it's just getting into the right mindset to write it is the problem. I'll sometimes sit in front of the computer for an hour just trying to write a sentence lately. It seems that my writing style has changed so dramatically from when I first started this story, that it's getting harder to put what I want onto paper.**_

_**Hyperlite.ho: You like it that much? Very cool! I still find it weird that people like my writing so much. I originally started posting because my friend dared me too. Let's hope the story doesn't take another 3 years, cos there's 1 more afterwards and I don't want it to take 9 years!**_


End file.
